This holiday season our warmest greetings go to the US Postal Service, an exemplary government-run organization, for issuing an official holiday poster that documents a positive paradigm shift in our national mentality. Displayed at post offices nationwide, it unobtrusively reminds Americans what national holidays they should observe this December: Hanukkah Ball, Kwanzaa Parade, Muslim Eid Carnival, Breast Cancer Gala, and Family Violence Bash (not necessarily in that order). In case you missed it, Chr***mas is not part of the holiday season. Come to think of it, it has never been. What Chr***mas? Never heard of it.

The suspicious Madonna stamp on the poster may seem like a weak compromise, but we believe it's a wise move to soften the blow and to ensure a smooth transition to a new progressive era. Chr***mas is spelled at the top of the stamp in tiny letters, but nowhere on the poster. Let's give USPS credit: the stamp is only a reproduction of a moldy 14th century painting from the National Gallery of Art. It's just art, comrades - and like Chr***mas it belongs in a Museum of Old Things.

USPS catalogue calls it "Holiday Traditional: Madonna and Child." When queried who exactly the child is, a USPS worker shrugged. "It's just a child with a really small head, you know? This stamp raises awareness. A girl forgot to abort the fetus and see what happens. It's not different from domestic violence or breast cancer. Happens to all who don't respond pro-actively."

A senior USPS representative was reserved and respectful: "What child? There has never been a child. I have no idea who was born on December 25th. We have always been celebrating Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid, Family Violence, and Breast Cancer. We have never celebrated Chri... that thing that I suspect you're thinking about. I'm afraid I'll have to report you to Mr. Azeezaly Jaffer, our Public Affairs and Communications V.P.

We used the opportunity to ask Mr. Azeezaly Jaffer about the Eid stamp.

"This stamp commemorates two important Islamic festivals," he told us. "The Postal Service is proud to feature the Eid stamp as part of its commemorative holiday stamp series in recognition of the many outstanding contributions of the Muslim community here in the United States and throughout the world. We have held numerous ceremonies and events around the country to promote and celebrate this stamp since its issuance in September of 2001

"We couldn't help asking Mr. Azeezaly Jaffer about a potential public danger posed by commemorating certain Christian holidays. "Christians? You mean those Neanderthals who always offend progressive tolerant folk by the mere fact of their existence? What have they ever done to deserve a commemorative stamp? Appeasement of Christians on such a high level might encourage them to commit more hideous atrocities. You're not a Christian, are you?" At which point we produced our People's Cube credentials and we all had a good laugh.

In the end Mr. Azeezaly Jaffer shared with us his plans to introduce a new poster to be hung at the doors of every US post office: No dogs, no guns, no Christians. "It's so easy for us to prevail," Mr. Jaffer added with a wink. "All it takes is that good men do nothing."
With that we shook hands, congratulating each other on our successes in the Culture Wars, and wishing one another a joyful, meaningful, and reflective Kwahaneidmas, Breast Cancer, and Domestic Violence.

Comrade Red Square,

Nice combination of topics here. Happy Ramahanukwanzmas to you!

Vladimir Ivanov

WHERE IS EARTH DAY IN ALL THIS? I'M SUING!

Red Square wrote:At which point we produced our People's Cube credentials and we all had a good laugh.

Where can a loyal Party member go to submit the proper paperwork to request official People's Cube Press credentials with color photo and four part color printing and embossed Party seal? Such credentials would come in handy as I'm often embarrassed by my lack of credentials.

Well, I, for one, am shocked at our Post Office's insensitivity toward the alternative-lifestyles community! Where's a stamp promoting Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender awareness?

Those Christians are nuts. Every time I turn around, I am hearing yet another news story about how some Christians in the middle-east were capturing harmless Muslims and cutting their heads off. We need to stand up to those Christian Fascists once and for all. Maybe we should get comrade Bush to declare a war on Christian Terrorism once and for all. I think I am going to celebrate this Solstice by eating a placenta.

Ivan Josefovich wrote:I think I am going to celebrate this Solstice by eating a placenta.

Ahhh -- the traditional "eating o' the placenta" has been commonplace in North Korea for years! How did you find out about it?

Where are all the beheading stamps we were promised?

I think I am going to celebrate this Solstice by eating a placenta.

Eeew... there's a bunch of millionaire hippies who live down the road from me who do that. Those cannibals.

We need to ban ALL religious holidays. Hanukkah, Ramadan, all banned. Religion is not premitted in the Socialist paradice, and so is not the American Dog holidays!

Long live Lenin!!!

P. Brezhnev

Clearly, the Post Office needs to expand beyond mail delivery. A good start would be to confiscate all Wal-Marts and place them under Post Office management (while closing all competitors like Target, Sears, etc.) The new Post-Mart can then replace useless items like "housewares" with, yes, Dr. Palimpsest, celebrations of transgendered identity.

Also, instead of paying for merchandise with cash, all Post-Mart customers would be required to go to a special window to indicate exactly what they want to buy and then purchase Mart-Stamps. These Mart-Stamps would then be glued to the merchandise, which would be brought to yet another window for obtaining a "promise to pay" ticket, which in turn would be submitted to at a ticket station, where one will be handed a receipt to stand on yet another line to exchange the receipt for the stamped merchandise.

The problem, as always, is private greed and the so-called "free market".

Well, it is just around the corner... a government that tells you you can't worship whoever you want. Wait, that's not happening is it? Not really. Just a bunch whiny wannabe conservatives crying about a non-issue. No one is stopping me from going to church on Christmas. No one is telling me I can't believe in Jesus. What has happened to the REAL conservatives that used to be proud of their values and mocked those wishy washy liberals with a flimsy grasp of true right and true wrong? I know what happened to them. They became "victim conservatives"... Victims. Woe is me! Come on people. Stop whining. Nobody is telling you how to speak or think. Say Merry Christmas all you want. No one is stopping you. People in my conservative neighborhood gladly put up their Christmas trees and lights. I don't hear them complaining about boo hoo, someone is stealing my Christmas. That's what this country is all about... Freedom to practice any religion you like. By whining about something as trivial as some stupid sign saying Happy Holidays, you trivialize the whole meaning of Christmas. It is not a freaking Hallmark card or a fricking holiday sale... it's about the birth of Jesus and sharing with friends and family.

What has happened to the REAL conservatives that used to be proud of their values and mocked those wishy washy liberals with a flimsy grasp of true right and true wrong? I know what happened to them. They became "victim conservatives"... Victims. Woe is me! Come on people. Stop whining.

Yes my friend, I agree with you entirely. May I enlist your support for a postage stamp that celebrates the emergence of the coming Fourth Reich? What kind of wah-wah baby could object to a swastika on a United States postage stamp?

gimme a break wrote:What has happened to the REAL conservatives that used to be proud of their values and mocked those wishy washy liberals with a flimsy grasp of true right and true wrong? I know what happened to them. They became "victim conservatives"...

You should be ashamed of yourself, saying such hurtful things! Mocking someone (or their views) is cruel and could irreparably damage his/her/its self-esteem. Therefore, we could never condone poking fun at people here, never! If you're looking for us to lampoon "wishy washy liberals," you've clearly come to the wrong place, Mr. or Ms. Lefty-Moonbat-Posing-As-A-Hardass-PaleoCon-For-Self-Amusement.

You see, we've endeavored to make The Cube a "happy place"--a cozy, derision-free zone. Are you trying to destory our happy place? Boo hoo. *tear drops fall on keyboard* Look at what you've done, you mean REAL Conservative; now I'm gonna have to open another box of tissues.

...you trivialize the whole meaning of Christmas. It is not a freaking Hallmark card or a fricking holiday sale... it's about the birth of Jesus and sharing with friends and family.

There you go again. Stop shoving your freakin' religion down my victim-con throat!

Comrade GimmeaBreak made a similar post on the Cafepress thread - https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... =3533#3533

He really seems to be on a mission from God, telling us what we should or should not do. We can't satirize here. Ultimately we should probably shut down this site altogether, so as not to give a bad name to some fictional REAL conservatives. And doesn't "REAL conservatives" sound somewhat phony to you - coming from the same mindset that gave us "real communists?"

To be consistent, Comrade GimmeaBreak must next go https://www.campus-watch.org and tell David Horowitz to stop complaining, like some whiny liberal, about communist indoctrination on campuses. Just move along, David, nothing here, hold your head high like a REAL conservative and just fricking move it...

I happened to be listening to O'Reilly on the radio the other day, and he had a caller who said he was a devout Christian and then went on to tell in almost the same words the same story - that there had never been an attempt to uproot Christmas. And O'Reilly, the spineless creature that he is, just told him that they simply had differing opinions - as if objective reality no longer matters nor exists.

This must be a new fad in the progressive playbook, to pose as REAL conservatives and tell people to moveon.org. Move on, comrades.. er... I mean gentlemen... Conservative comrades should take abuse stoically, on the chin, like they did it in 1917 Russia...

gimme a break wrote:...that's not happening is it? Not really. Just a bunch whiny wannabe conservatives crying about a non-issue... Stop whining. Nobody is telling you how to speak or think... No one is stopping you...

Baghdad Bob, is that you? "What mind control? There has never been a mind control!" Classic!

Comrade Gimme a break!

Try expressing your Christian beliefs at school, work, at the courthouse, see how fast you're sued. Victim? No, try criminal. Christmas has been criminalized and that's the tragedy. What used to be innocent is now offensive. That is the argument. Duh? Wear a crucifix, say a prayer, stand up for the Ten Commandments at the Courthouse, see what happens. Comrades! He's right! Ptooey! Victim? Nyet! Criminal? Da!

Merry ^$%&@ Rhamahanakwanza, infidels!

Hey Mr. "Gimme a break," stop defaming my TV show by taking its name in vain!

Also, I'll tell you why all this crap pisses me off. I could care less about baby Jeezus and Madonna (the famous one and the religious one). I just like the festive Christmas atmosphere. It brings people together and brightens the cold December days. How many Holidays are left where people decorate the streets, sing together, and feel as though they are a community? Chanukkah is O.K. too, but there are no good songs and Dredels are pretty boring. I guess ONE festive tradition-based holiday is too many for you.

Mr. G. A. Break, how would you feel if I ran around handing out fact-based articles on global warming day or harassed you on Earth Day? We all know you are a hardcore lefty pal! Merry Christmas you troll!

Come on, comrades, give GimmeABreak a break. He's just a cheerleader for the good men who do nothing. These are the good men who will help the revolution to prevail.

Don't shoot the pianist. He's only playing "Internationale."

Ahh very good Comrade Red Eye. Your investigative reporting on this Chri***as foul up at the Post Office was very well done. But we must ensure the Madonna stamp be wiped from the face of this Red Earth!

I'm dreaming of a totalitarian Kwahaneidmas
Just like Stalin used to know
Where cracked heads glisten,
and masses listen
To hear bull horns in the snow

I'm dreaming of a regimented Kwahaneidmas
With every manifesto I write
May your thoughts be progressive and right
And may all your Kwahaneidmas killings be at night

I'm dreaming of an egalitarian Kwahaneidmas
With every protest song I write
May all your nooses be tight
And may all your enemies take flight

Comrade Irving Berlin! You have pleased the Party. You are forgiven for writing the bourgeois-appeasing White Christmas song and promoted the Colonel General People's Composer of the State. An order to release you from the re-education facility will arrive shortly, in about three months.

Ill Kim Sung wrote:

Ivan Josefovich wrote:I think I am going to celebrate this Solstice by eating a placenta.

Ahhh -- the traditional "eating o' the placenta" has been commonplace in North Korea for years! How did you find out about it?

I think it was in the Dickens' Christmas Carol, or was it Dikkens' Kristmass Karol? I always get those confused. That bright boy that gets the placenta from the butcher shop "you mean the placenta as big as ME??". Sorry, I don't know how to write a cockney accent.

Paul Krugman wrote:The problem, as always, is private greed and the so-called "free market".

The 'free market' isn't free!

Mr. Krugman, again you blow all other intellectuals out of the water. At the next protest my sign is going to read: "The 'free market' isn't free! Paul Krugman." Is that alright with you, sir? Talk about making a point! That'll show all those damn right wing knuckleheads a thing or two.

What was all that noise in the above posts about "real conservatives?" Personally, I am a radical dedicated to changing society and the world. What's all this conservative talk?

As we gather this secular season to celebrate domestic violence, breast cancer, Eid and martyrdom, let us not forget that many are unable to carry their own protest signs or yell into bull horns. Remember people, raise your voice in solidarity with the voiceless! Protest for those who can not protest this secular season! Give to your favorite radical cause, or donate bullhorns and batteries to your local Code Pink.

MERRY HOLIDAY AND AN EMPOWERING NEW YEAR!

Come visit:

https://dicklist.blogspot.com

for more diverse and empowering thoughts during this season of tolerance and open-mindedness!

Comrade Otis declared:

At the next protest my sign is going to read: "The 'free market' isn't free! Paul Krugman."

In the conservative/republican/fascist "free market", is everyone free to be on public assistance? Is everyone free to live on a planet unpolluted by the presence of Wal-Mart?

The answers, of course, are trivial.