As widely anticipated hurricane Ernesto disaster failed to materialize, media networks are growing increasingly frustrated with the Bush Administration's handling of everything. "I prepared a perfectly credible report on the connection between hurricanes, Global Warming, racism, and Prescott Bush," says devastated CNN newsman Lou Dobbs. "What am I to do now? Report on how Karl Rove's weather machine stopped the hurricane to help Republicans win elections and lower oil prices? Uhm... gotta write that down."

Failure of hurricane Ernesto to devastate New Orleans and Rush Limbaugh's home in south Florida is forcing humbled media to look for disasters elsewhere:

• Paula Zahn grieves with middle-class family over flat tire on I-95
  
• Wolf Blitzer reports on tragically overturned trash can in New Jersey suburb
  
• Larry King interviews reluctant hero handyman who survived fall off stepladder
  
• O'Rilley Factor tackles scissors manufacturers on dangers of "running with"

In other news:

• MSM: gas station owners face poverty as gas prices continue to fall. What has Bush done to help them?
  
• Runaway SUV kills people on Bush Street in San Francisco, endangers innocent Muslim driver
  
• Democrats celebrate one year anniversary of Katrina's effect on Bush's poll numbers
  
• John Kerry grumbles about '04 election, four people in DeMoines pay attention
  
• Iranian president debates self, declares victory
  
• Most wanted polygamist nabbed miles from Chappaqua home

We need the hurricanes to destroy humanity! Only then will the Earth be saved!

This is very tragic. Hurricane Ernesto was our plan to distract the world while we massacred some more peace-loving ancient Palestinian flower-children. Curses!

The problem is the name itself. Ernesto? Everybody knows Che Guevara, but how many proletarians know his real name was Ernesto? They should know, but how many remember? Now, if it was given a Strong Communism name like Che much property would have been liberated and the people would be rejoicing. Unfortunately there will be no debit cards issued for much needed goods like liqour, cigarettes, and gambling. Ah, such is life....but September is coming! After the letter "E" comes "F"......Hurricane Fidel !

Laika

Unfortunately there will be no debit cards issued for much needed goods like liqour, cigarettes, and gambling.

You forgot hookers, and visits to strip clubs

Ahhh pahrt of ree - ed-ewe-kay-shun vee ar gifen heer aat Gulag pleenty ovf vodka zee playink kards (cent een lahte-ist sheepment froome Betty)hadd zee Jon Keri Mee-more ei-al Facis apon zem (coz for grate Soviet Sel-u-bray-shun)voynce a veek(eef ewe toe goot partii Linze)Zen ewe ar ah-loud to goe owt zide to cee clowds een skie and vatch gards smooke(phor a meeneat) soome ovf zee coom-rads haf herd ovf whookers aned ceen peecsure ovf streep clube. Duz Jon Kerri ohwn shu-vel Ore Peek vee wood licke teow cee Peecsure ovf eet?

I believe Kerry still has his shovel from his brief stint in the gulag after being purged for failing the party (he was later recognized for great accomplishments towards the party), but we have no pictures of him because he never seems to show up anywhere or do anything anymore and the ones we did have were "fixed".

Premier Betty wrote:We need the hurricanes to destroy humanity! Only then will the Earth be saved!

But what about the tragic loss of so many trees, earthworms and snail species that also overshadow this wretched species called people in importance (exceptions of course are NEW MEN, and party loyalists, see people's glossary). They are so crucially important for diversity! Wouldn't some more gulags, with conservation work for re-education/reform labour be a better way to remove the accursed species and achieve the environmental diversity that my college professors so dream of?

Zionist Lapdog wrote:This is very tragic. Hurricane Ernesto was our plan to distract the world while we massacred some more peace-loving ancient Palestinian flower-children. Curses!

Zionist Lapdog, have you not taken your party approved quota of Soma pills today? You seem to forget that the blood sucking, baby killing, fox news watching, brownshirt zionsts have been doing just that lately! Look at how many peace loving, progress and diversity (of burquas) spreading, Hamas party members have fallen victim to Israeli aggression lately! How will they ever be able to RESIST the aggression posed by Israeli school children on the schoolbus and israeli mothers sipping tea in restaurants by gloriously martyr bombing them, while they are being held illegally without trial in the zionist death camps? We must get the ACLU and BBC to rescue them immediately so that they can continue their heroic resistance work!

We should all pray to our father Lenin that the hurricane season will be bountiful and cause the social unrest necessary for revolution. When a few cities have been destroyed, the oppressed masses will rise and eradicate the bourgeois middle class. With proper guidance to the masses, socialism will automatically follow social unrest and a just and equal society will emerge from the ruins. Just look at Somalia and what our Socialist/Islamic brothers have accomplished there. I am nothing if not optimistic. Socialism is destiny.

Keep hope alive, comrades! Comrade Ernesto may yet achieve hurricane status again as he tries to liberate the Carolinas.