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Holiday Greeting From The National Lawyers Guild & ACLU

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In the true spirit of Christmas collectivism we decided to lift off this traditional holiday greeting that for a few years was being shared equally by the multitudes of Internet users, courtesy of an unknown progressive member of the National Lawyers Guild or the ACLU or both.

To be a true progressive you have to believe that no idea can be called good, bad, new, old, or stolen, since all ideas reside inside our common collective consciousness which belongs to no one in particular and to everybody at once - an entity also known as The People™.

So if you already saw this greeting before, go ahead and refresh your memory; if you're seeing it for the first time - enjoy!


Dear Person
(hereinafter called the wishee):


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great.

Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or itself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

But in the unlikely case you are
a reactionary, knuckle-dragging, conservative right-winger,
we wish you a

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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Ah yes, my history professor sent this to me via e-mail. Aren't party-approved greetings so much clearer, even if they are longer?

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The Party enjoins all earnest comrades to attach the above disclaimer to every "gift", which shall heretofore be defined as "an unsanctioned, voluntary redistribution of goods."

It should go without saying that, by right, redistribution is the exclusive province of The State. Most people are simply incapable of "giving" wisely and in proper proportion. Therefore, the Party views the giving of gifts as a subversive act that will be tolerated only until it achieves world dominance in 2008.

Seriously, why worry yourself with what to buy so-and-so for the Winter Solstice. There are smarter people who can make the decisions for you. Let us do the thinking; we will take your assets and allocate them appropriately.

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I believe a "tier of giving" should be enforced. Those who have done the most for the Party get the nicer things whereas those who lack revolutionary zeal recieve a meager Chia-Pet and a rotten potatoe.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:...and a rotten potatoe.

Potatoe? Dear Chairman, please tell me you have not been taking spelling lesson from Dan Quayle...

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Oh no! I spelled it POTATOE!? Oh Lenin help me, I don't want to be a bumbling belligerent idiot like that Dan Quayle! What a shame he was to his party! What a shame! Now all the children spell it with the TOE at the end and are all now idiots! Idiots I tell you! Not even useful ones! Forgive me Dr. P! FORGIVE ME!

(OFF: Yet I see progressives spell it with the "toe" all the time? Hmmm, interesting?)

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Well, it's always essential to "toe" the Party line, is it not? ;)

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Well, it's always essential to "toe" the Party line, is it not? ;)

Absolutely! Unless you want to get stuck with a crappy "gift" this Solstice.

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Comrades!!!

I propose that from here on the term 'gift' be abolished!! With the glorious state taking over the redistribution of wealth this solstice season, everyone needs to get the exact same thing in the exact same amount, regardless of religious (or non-religious) affiliation, race, sex, creed, living status, marital status, appliance status, age, height, weight, language, or intelligence. Therefore all these 'holidays' and blah blah mucky mucky that occur during this time shall all be combined and renamed to the 'Annual Winter Solstice Entitlement'. To be fair and equal to all this entitlement will be comprised of a 6"x6"x6" cube of Tofu, colored red in honor of the Cube.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:It should go without saying that, by right, redistribution is the exclusive province of The State. Most people are simply incapable of "giving" wisely and in proper proportion. Therefore, the Party views the giving of gifts as a subversive act that will be tolerated only until it achieves world dominance in 2008.
With the State in control of everybody's property, every day of the year will be like Christmas. The Party will decide how much to take and give on a daily basis to ensure everybody's joy and happiness in an equal measure. Isn't it what Comrade Mulva dreamed about? What good is Christmas if it's not occurring every day of the year? And since he himself was incapable of giving, he wanted the State to do it for him.

After the Revolution we shall appoint Mulva to be the official-all-year round Santa Claus, determining people's needs and recommend who gets what according to a carefully structured "tiers of giving" (as outlined by the honest Chairman Punchenko).

Smersh will take care of the "tiers of taking" - because in order to "give" to the people you must first "take" it from the kulaks. Laika will be watching from space and telling Smersh if any kulak is trying to hide any illegal surpluses from the State. Marshall Pravda will execute the revolutionary justice with his Makarov, but not before the guilty kulak confesses to O'Brien about every nook and cranny containing illegal surpluses.

Prof. Palimpsest will develop a sound moral theory to back up such a system and Prof. Kurgman will justify it economically. The State Health Commissar Dr. Fuku will make sure our potato tofu turkey is healthy, and that the patients in State hospitals are all recovering like flies. Premier Betty will protect the border with the army of Nixon clones, and Her Majesty HRC will rule over us with an iron fist. Like Comrade Stalin she will be tough but fair, taking things away from you for the COMMON GOOD™.

Isn't this the 24/7/365 Christmas utopia worth dying for? Or, in our case, killing for?

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Smersh will take care of the "tiers of taking" - because in order to "give" something you must first be able to "take" it from somebody else. Laika in space will be watching and telling Smersh if any kulak is trying to hide anything from the State in a secret cellar. Marshall Pravda will execute the revolutionary justice with his Makarov, but not before the guilty kulak confesses to O'Brien about all the possible nooks and corners where the illegal surpluses may still be hiding. Prof. Palimpsest will develop a sound moral theory to back up such a system and Prof. Kurgman will justify it economically. The State Health Commissar Dr. Fuku will make sure our potato tofu turkey is healthy, and that the patients in State hospitals are all recovering like flies. Premier Betty will protect the border with the army of Nixon clones, and Her Majesty HRC will rule over us with an iron fist. Like Comrade Stalin she will be tough but fair, taking things away from you for the COMMON GOOD™.
Sounds like a workflow to me? Have you been studying business management?

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The New York Times never rests, helping this utopia to come true -

The Season For The Treason

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Looks like Target will no longer be selling Che Guevara CD cases as stocking stuffers this year.

https://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atl ... e_che.html

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But there are so many other places for a revolutionary to shop this season -

https://joinred.com/

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Does that mean that Great Stalin CD cases are out of the question?

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Though I'm sure this will mean a one-way ticket to the gulag or possibly my face getting gnawed off by O'Brien's rats, I'd like to say screw "The Holidays", Kwanza, and any other progressive crap, and wish everyone a sincere Merry Christmas.

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Here'a a progressive Christmas greeting! Watch the People's Cube / OfficeMax joint production:

DANCING CHE GUEVARA DRESSED AS AN ELF


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Make your own party-approved Christmas greeting and post them here!

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Budget contraints have my knickers in a juicer this Holiday season, so I took the easy route in getting rid of useles..err.. I mean sending out cards on behalf of underlings in my Department. Behold, it's secular, boring, cost effective and straight to the point!

(this one is from some failure named Chuck. Looks like he will not be going home for the Holidays after all! Beh heh heh heh!)


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Yes, it really is that small! Oh, and the gift card? Yeah, well, let's just say it never makes it through the mail (don't blame me, blame the U.S Postal Service!). Expenses paid, Clintons happy and a little bit more added to my Solstice bonus! Darwin bless us, EVERYONE!

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You're a genius, Chairman! Combining a suicide note with a Christmas card is so going to save people's money, let alone give a whole new meaning to the reason for the season and a sacrifice for other people's sins!

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Yes, we even developed a very complicated bureaucratic system as well! BEHOLD!

Greeting card is created by printer ---> passed on to Reason Technicians who will select (at random) cause for death ---> card is then delivered by not one, but five persons to be processed by editors ----> editors check card for any mistakes and then pass it on to Senior Editors ----> Senior Editors (40 of them) check card for any finger prints, stains, lip-stick ect. and then pass it on to Quality Control ---> Quality control checks for proper card dimensions, font and matching signature ---> card is then delivered to desk of sender who then upon opening he/she/it dies (due to toxins within the card) -----> the card is then collected by a trusted apparatchiks (100 of them), hosed down using special toxin eliminating saliva (horse spit) and is then re-mailed to be delivered to the loved one(s) of the deceased.

This ensures our "Holiday Card" department receives its fair share of tax-payer dollars. So, in essence, we are killing off those we deem "undesirable" at tax-payer expense – just like an abortion – only with paper and ink added!

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:...we are killing off those we deem "undesirable" at tax-payer expense – just like an abortion...
...and in both cases old Father Stalin was right: no man, no problem.

Bob Marley later did a gentler, kinder, more sensitive and diversity-friendly cover of it, called "No Woman No Cry." It inspired many a people's hero, from Ted Kennedy (D-MA) to Gary Condit (D-CA) to OJ Simpson to Robert Blake to Phil Spector.

But it was Stalin who really deserves the credit. Only in this day and age it should be pronounced, of course, as "no gender-specific person, no inconvenience."

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(GASP!) AN ERROR! Quickly everyone, view the reason behind the card! Their is an error! An unsightly error! Too is spelled "to"!!!! Heads will roll for this, starting with ALL of the editors, senior editors, quality control personnel and all one hundred apparatchiks! Prepare yourselves you failures to recieve the very card you failed in producing! Ugh, we're going to need more tax-dollars now to hire all new people. YAY!

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A blast from the past:

A captured trophey video dated back to the pre-war-on-Christmas times


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Red Square wrote:A blast from the past:

A captured trophey video dated back to the pre-war-on-Christmas times

We should invent a group like the Beatles. (And write all the lyrics for them) So that when Hillary takes the stage we create an intermission (remove all undesirables) and fill the room will glorious POP propaganda.
SMERSH HEAD of KGB. sec. 9.

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We should invent a group like the Beatles. (And write all the lyrics for them) So that when Hillary takes the stage we create an intermission (remove all undesirables) and fill the room will glorious POP propaganda.

We already did that; it's called Greenday & U2. (Kinda ironic how a bunch of stinky hippies could have the name of their band be so similar to that of an Amerikkkan spy plane that royally pissed off the Russians for years.


 
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