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 | To automate the growing number of grievances, reduce paperwork, and bring the grievance collecting into the 21st century, the Obama Administration has created a new agency, the U.S. Department of Grievances, linked with other agencies and taxpayers through the newly launched 2009 Hope'N'Change Operating System. Given that the most optimistic evaluation of Obama's stimulus plan included this language, "If we do everything right, there's still a 30 percent chance we'll get it wrong," and that the government's record of "getting everything right" is shaky at best, the new department's current goal is to prepare for the impending "30%" outcome. If you and your family find yourself among the 30-percenters, you may submit your Grievance Report, which the government will redress within the limits of its estimated efficiency rate of 70%. |
| To make sure your report receives the utmost attention, the Obama Administration hired an experienced report handler from Microsoft who has successfully redressed millions of error reports from Windows users in the last 15 years.
If you continue to find yourself within the government's 30% margin of error, you will see the following alert, which you must also submit.
If your grievances still haven't been adequately redressed, you will receive another alert that will fill you with hope that change is still possible.
Alerts are subject to change. There is a 30% chance that the future government alerts will look as follows:
Additional reporting by Comrade General Secretary. |
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UPDATE
(Comrade Fifth Column receives an increased ration of beets for the next fiscal year for this (all rations are taxable according to your Party rank)).
When you do your taxes with TurboShare 2009 your income numbers get reported to the Office of Redistribution.
UPDATE:
Now that our predictions are becoming reality, we decided to make lemonade out of a lemon and collect whatever remaining capitalist exploitation units the masses still have, with this new merchandise. Also available on a poster and a bumper sticker (two in one!)
Obama: Fatal Error by Red_Square
Comrade Square, who will be Grievance Czar?
Greetings comrades!
Please forgive my intrusion, but I am uncertain where to introduce myself. Perhaps someone can point me to the nearest re-education camp?
In any case, this is a brilliant idea, however it would eliminate work for IBPS (International Brotherhood of Paper Shovelers), and since unemployment must always be zero, comrade Red must be cautious.
However, a position of such honor should belong to Comrade Bill Gates! The Worker's Kombinate of Microsoft has good experience with 30% failure and error messages. Do we have an extra ZIL around?
With brotherly kiss,
Genosse Pieck
Please forgive my intrusion, but I am uncertain where to introduce myself. Perhaps someone can point me to the nearest re-education camp?
In any case, this is a brilliant idea, however it would eliminate work for IBPS (International Brotherhood of Paper Shovelers), and since unemployment must always be zero, comrade Red must be cautious.
However, a position of such honor should belong to Comrade Bill Gates! The Worker's Kombinate of Microsoft has good experience with 30% failure and error messages. Do we have an extra ZIL around?
With brotherly kiss,
Genosse Pieck
Kommrades, I bring you Wet Winter Socialist greetings from the white Stepps of Wyomingstan, All hale to the ONe the Obamasiah. He that will bring Social Socialist Socialism and hope to Amerika. All hale hope and change.
Komrade Red Square. This operating system like all operating systems must
and should alway be tested on the
As you know.
I therefore denounce this system as racist, counter revolutionary and anti Socialist. We all know that the Great O who we owe everthing too would never produce som ng th t ou d not wor fo t masses.
Hope and ange
Semper Gumby and if you can't be Gumby be Pokey
Gunny J
Komrade Red Square. This operating system like all operating systems must
and should alway be tested on the
As you know.
I therefore denounce this system as racist, counter revolutionary and anti Socialist. We all know that the Great O who we owe everthing too would never produce som ng th t ou d not wor fo t masses.
Hope and ange
Semper Gumby and if you can't be Gumby be Pokey
Gunny J
OMG... I spent most of the day watching the CPAC convention and screwing with the Liberals trolling in the chatroom. It was so fun.
Most esteemed Chairman, good to see you have maintained your focus on bush...or, er, Bush...
Glorious Cubist of the People, the 'reboot' function of the operating system will no doubt be steel-toed, and land the sorry prole who screws up into immediate re-education, shovel in hand, for the good of the Party. And perhaps a RedBoot key for purging the ThoughtCriminals in our midst?
Glorious Cubist of the People, the 'reboot' function of the operating system will no doubt be steel-toed, and land the sorry prole who screws up into immediate re-education, shovel in hand, for the good of the Party. And perhaps a RedBoot key for purging the ThoughtCriminals in our midst?
Kommrades! It gets better. When you do your taxes with TurboShare 2009 your income numbers get reported to the Office of Redistribution. If it is determined that you are too successful you will be bled like those homeless people in the third Blade movie. When you finally run dry and the State has determined you can do no more for the Common Good, you'll do a little marching. We're gonna Party like it's 1929!!
Hey, what's with all of the sarcasm? You can't make an omelet without breaking a few nest eggs, right? Reading this site, you would think that there's something wrong with being a slave to the government.
Fifth Column
When you do your taxes with TurboShare 2009 your income numbers get reported to the Office of Redistribution.
Just heard the glorious news, comrades! Citibank is now 30% owned by the government! Comrade General Secretary just called me to confirm that this formerly powerful but now struggling institution has been renamed from "Citi" to "Shiti" in all its occurences, from Shitibank to Shitigroup.
SHITIBANK: it's where you deposit your stimulus package. Free downloads!
SHITIBANK: it's where you deposit your stimulus package. Free downloads!
Red Square
Just heard the glorious news, comrades! Citibank is now 30% owned by the government! Comrade General Secretary just called me to confirm that this formerly powerful but now struggling institution has been renamed from "Citi" to "Shiti" in all its occurences, from Shitibank to Shitigroup.SHITIBANK: it's where you deposit your stimulus package. Free downloads!
So that's why there is a bad smell when I open my Sears credit card bill!
--
ZB
The Hope'N'Change Operating System running TurboShare 2009 finally recognizes the value of androgyny to the party and the special esteem we should all give to the LGBT community. Everyone report for orientation, reeducation and reassignment! All hail The One!
Ahh I feel the urge to deposit a Snake Oil induced stimulus package now Comrade Red Square.
Tell me though, for those of us using Linux, how do we report grievance to the government?
Tell me though, for those of us using Linux, how do we report grievance to the government?
Comrade7.62
Ahh I feel the urge to deposit a Snake Oil induced stimulus package now Comrade Red Square.A lot of us do....
Quote:
Tell me though, for those of us using Linux, how do we report grievance to the government?With wine of course.
Comrades,
This is a glorious OS! I do hope, however, that it continues to offer the file 2555.dtl in the installation. It allows non-US residents a variant of the "Blue Screen of Death" but perhaps better described as "The Green Kitty of Foreign Earned Income Exclusion." It's worth up to $120,000 annually. When the inflationary upgrade comes, it will hopefully be worth even more!
This is a glorious OS! I do hope, however, that it continues to offer the file 2555.dtl in the installation. It allows non-US residents a variant of the "Blue Screen of Death" but perhaps better described as "The Green Kitty of Foreign Earned Income Exclusion." It's worth up to $120,000 annually. When the inflationary upgrade comes, it will hopefully be worth even more!
30 percent ownership is not enough! I think it is clear that there is only a 70% chance this 30% will be a success, while there is a 0% chance that the other 70% will succeed. The Obamessiah should step in now and give Shitigroup a 100% chance at a 70% chance immediately!!!
Comrade Chernobyl
Quote:
Tell me though, for those of us using Linux, how do we report grievance to the government?With wine of course.
would that be wine or perhaps whine?
I am so very glad to hear this about CitiBank. I was afraid that they would be able to continue their ruthless Capitalist exploitation of the workers without government intervention! Now I WON'T have to shred the two credit cards I have bearing the Citi logo and notify the company to cancel my accounts.
Does this OS System offer any change that will provide hope to the future proles for better shovels? It would be sad to see these fine young shovelers go off to shovel with less than 1st rate shovels. There is after all so much Shi... dirt to be moved from here to there to create a better beet garden. This should probably be incorporated in to the reload function so that they can continue to be refreshed and never need to lay down, sleep or anything else for that matter. Are there Automatic weapons updates included.
Citizen's
Fearless leader has instructed the masses to look between the sofa cushions for our "change" this year! Will I be taxed on any food products found there?
Publius
Fearless leader has instructed the masses to look between the sofa cushions for our "change" this year! Will I be taxed on any food products found there?
Publius
Greetings, Komrades.
I have finally emerged from my cellar near the Volga to glory in the the new world under Uncle "O". (But I still miss Uncle Joe.)
I will be installing this on every computation machine that I own or that someone else owns.
[HR]
Welcome to The Progressive World of Next Tuesday, Comrade Cellar... You can complete your initial entry training here...
Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov
I have finally emerged from my cellar near the Volga to glory in the the new world under Uncle "O". (But I still miss Uncle Joe.)
I will be installing this on every computation machine that I own or that someone else owns.
[HR]
Welcome to The Progressive World of Next Tuesday, Comrade Cellar... You can complete your initial entry training here...
Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov
Androgynov
The Hope'N'Change Operating System running TurboShare 2009 finally recognizes the value of androgyny to the party and the special esteem we should all give to the LGBT community. Everyone report for orientation, reeducation and reassignment! All hail The One!Hate to tell you, dear Comrade, but they ain't gonna do it. But there is hope. We could have Camp Androgyne where people check in for gender issues. That doesn't mean that they have to do it--it'll be like defensive driving in Texas. Show up and go to sleep.
And Made Progressives could earn a little cash money. Part of the campus could be filled with sex workers, but we'd turn a blind eye as to who went where.
For a nominal fee Made Progressives get a certificate, suitable for framing and hanging, certifying to "Sexual Orientation and Gender Issues Sensitivity Training" and five shots of penicillin to cure the clap from the sex workers.
Commissar Theocritus
Androgynov
For a nominal fee Made Progressives get a certificate, suitable for framing and hanging, certifying to "Sexual Orientation and Gender Issues Sensitivity Training" and five shots of penicillin to cure the clap from the sex workers.Clap on Clap off?
The Clap On is the easy part. The Clap Off is the hard part. Which when you think about it seems rather oxymoronic.
Ура товарищи! Наконец то операционая система которая всё делает за меня!
This is the most exciting news I've heard in ages. Now I can finally give all the means for the good of the society. And I know that our beloved comrade Obama will supply me with everything I NEED, which includes new Bentley.
Oh thank you Marx for this glorious day.
This is the most exciting news I've heard in ages. Now I can finally give all the means for the good of the society. And I know that our beloved comrade Obama will supply me with everything I NEED, which includes new Bentley.
Oh thank you Marx for this glorious day.
Leshka-Kachmanavt
And I know that our beloved comrade Obama will supply me with everything I NEED, which includes new Bentley.Oh thank you Marx for this glorious day.
And you shall receive it on the new top-rated TV show hosted by Obama, "The Price Is Wrong!"
Leshka-Kachmanavt
Ура товарищи! Наконец то операционая система которая всё делает за меня!I hereby denounce you for committing Thoughtcrime™. This operating system was made for The People™ Для людей!!!
Report to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™. Bring warm clothes and your shovel.
--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party™ approved Margarita Research and Operations
Grand Inquisitor for the Reformed Church of Latter-Day Climatology (The Goremons)
Red Square
Leshka-Kachmanavt
And I know that our beloved comrade Obama will supply me with everything I NEED, which includes new Bentley.Oh thank you Marx for this glorious day.
And you shall receive it on the new top-rated TV show hosted by Obama, "The Price Is Wrong!"
Oh yes, I remember that glorious day when Obama came into our area, the sun was high up and people had smile on their faces. Children were carrying flowers and singing songs, just like Lenin promised it would be. You could even be excused from work(state university) to go and witness this majestic event in live or broadcast. Alas what a great way to spend money of those hard working bastards.
Zampolit Blokhayev
Leshka-Kachmanavt
Ура товарищи! Наконец то операционая система которая всё делает за меня!I hereby denounce you for committing Thoughtcrime™. This operating system was made for The People™ Для людей!!!
Report to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™. Bring warm clothes and your shovel.
I don't have warm clothes, my luck was so tough on me. I am imprisoned to live in this hot place called Florida, where people enslaved by evil capitalists. Poor people of Mexico collecting tomatoes and oranges, oh if only Karl Marx would see. These people are being alienated by all the pretty houses and beaches, their class consciousness is soon to awaken.
Leshka-Kachmanavt
I don't have warm clothes, my luck was so tough on me. I am imprisoned to live in this hot place called Florida, where people enslaved by evil capitalists. Poor people of Mexico collecting tomatoes and oranges, oh if only Karl Marx would see. These people are being alienated by all the pretty houses and beaches, their class consciousness is soon to awaken.Do not speak to me of the counter-revolutionary and bourgeois state of Florida! I am knee deep in snow and the high temp today is 25F here in the People's Commonwealth of Virginia/People's Socialist District of Fairfax.
--
Obamissar 7.62, for those glorious comrades using Linux, you should be utilizing kernel version 2.6.20 or above and VirtualCube (the people's version of VirtualBox) which should allow you to operate the HNC operating system in joyous communal harmony!
BTW, those suggesting the use of "wine" for this purpose are being reported as thought criminals!! Everyone knows wine is intended to run the operating system created by that festering stank of capitalist swine in Redmond!
As for me, I have great concern for the fate of Treasury Kommissar Geithner, who has openly admitted his inability to comprehend TurboShare. Shall he be sent to the re-education camp, or shall someone be appointed to do his work for him? Let the masses decide!
BTW, those suggesting the use of "wine" for this purpose are being reported as thought criminals!! Everyone knows wine is intended to run the operating system created by that festering stank of capitalist swine in Redmond!
As for me, I have great concern for the fate of Treasury Kommissar Geithner, who has openly admitted his inability to comprehend TurboShare. Shall he be sent to the re-education camp, or shall someone be appointed to do his work for him? Let the masses decide!
Leshka-Kachmanavt
I don't have warm clothes, my luck was so tough on me. I am imprisoned to live in this hot place called Florida, where people enslaved by evil capitalists. Poor people of Mexico collecting tomatoes and oranges, oh if only Karl Marx would see. These people are being alienated by all the pretty houses and beaches, their class consciousness is soon to awaken.Don't talk back to a senior Commissar, prole! When you are told to go to the KMTC, you don't make excuses, you just go! And if I tell you to go to Platform 6 at the Hauptbahnhof, you ask "Which boxcar?" Do you understand? Where's your Jifi-Lobo proof of purchase? Present your RFID chip for scanning, prole!!!
Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov
Commissar Obamissar V
Leshka-Kachmanavt
I don't have warm clothes, my luck was so tough on me. I am imprisoned to live in this hot place called Florida, where people enslaved by evil capitalists. Poor people of Mexico collecting tomatoes and oranges, oh if only Karl Marx would see. These people are being alienated by all the pretty houses and beaches, their class consciousness is soon to awaken.Don't talk back to a senior Commissar, prole! When you are told to go to the KMTC, you don't make excuses, you just go! And if I tell you to go to Platform 6 at the Hauptbahnhof, you ask "Which boxcar?" Do you understand? Where's your Jifi-Lobo proof of purchase? Present your RFID chip for scanning, prole!!!
Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov
Send him my way Commissar, I could use an extra prole at on the People's Rifle(TM) assembly line in Factory 1017. Platform 12, boxcar for Olympia Collective, State of Obama. Bring wet weather gear and a funnel to use in pouring concrete into the barrels of People's Rifles(TM) Beet digging implements will be provided on arrival.
Kommissar Suck Bunny
Obamissar 7.62, for those glorious comrades using Linux, you should be utilizing kernel version 2.6.20 or above and VirtualCube (the people's version of VirtualBox) which should allow you to operate the HNC operating system in joyous communal harmony!BTW, those suggesting the use of "wine" for this purpose are being reported as thought criminals!! Everyone knows wine is intended to run the operating system created by that festering stank of capitalist swine in Redmond!
As for me, I have great concern for the fate of Treasury Kommissar Geithner, who has openly admitted his inability to comprehend TurboShare. Shall he be sent to the re-education camp, or shall someone be appointed to do his work for him? Let the masses decide!
I denounce suck bunny for claiming a title which suggests he is of the Inner Circle (praise be to the comrades more equal than I) when in fact he is not.
Also I denounce Suck Bunny for suggesting WINE was meant to run the Capitalist Oppressive OS from Redmond, when in fact it was made to run APPLICATIONS meant for that most evil of OS'. I suggest using VMWare if you wish to run The OS From Redmond That Shall Not Be Named.
I would start looking into warm clothing, a beet digging shovel, and the nearest railway platform if I were you Comrade Suck Bunny.
Quote:
Don't talk back to a senior Commissar, prole! When you are told to go to the KMTC, you don't make excuses, you just go! And if I tell you to go to Platform 6 at the Hauptbahnhof, you ask "Which boxcar?" Do you understand? Where's your Jifi-Lobo proof of purchase? Present your RFID chip for scanning, prole!!!Quote:
Send him my way Commissar, I could use an extra prole at on the People's Rifle™ assembly line in Factory 1017. Platform 12, boxcar for Olympia Collective, State of Obama. Bring wet weather gear and a funnel to use in pouring concrete into the barrels of People's Rifles™ Beet digging implements will be provided on arrival.denounce suck bunny for claiming a title which suggests he is of the Inner Circle (praise be to the comrades more equal than I) when in fact he is not.
Also I denounce Suck Bunny for suggesting WINE was meant to run the Capitalist Oppressive OS from Redmond, when in fact it was made to run APPLICATIONS meant for that most evil of OS'. I suggest using VMWare if you wish to run The OS From Redmond That Shall Not Be Named.
I would start looking into warm clothing, a beet digging shovel, and the nearest railway platform if I were you Comrade Suck Bunny.
Is there anything more vicious than a newly made commissar? You boys are making an old Bolshevik proud.
Ivan Betinov
Is there anything more vicious than a newly made commissar? You boys are making an old Bolshevik proud.Well in my case it's simply a newly minted Obamissar, but I'll take whatever viciousness I can get away with (for the good of the Party of course).
To phooey with your new titles! Commissar was good enough for the Old Guard! You young pups (no not you, Pupovich) think currying favor with the new chairman through your obsequious title will set you for life. Just remember: there was only one Stalin. No other chairman held power for a full lifetime. This young Chairman will have his day, but there are hungry men in the Party who are looking at him like a fat child looks at a doughnut. He will be snapped up, mark my words! Then where will you Obamissars be, eh?
Ivan Betinov
Then where will you Obamissars be, eh?Enjoying my meaningless title bestowed upon me by Vodkavich, and backing his play at further advancement in the Party. Comrade Betinov, there is a reason I set myself up to be The People's Armorer. Not only will my squeegie tipped People's Rifles ™ help carry the day, but so will my People's Pocket Pistol(TM) made from durable chrome plated ABS plastic chambed in .25acp!
Obamissar 7.62
Send him my way Commissar, I could use an extra prole at on the People's Rifle(TM) assembly line in Factory 1017. Platform 12, boxcar for Olympia Collective, State of Obama.Comrade Obamissar,
you are from the Great Soviet Republic of Obama? I hail from Clark Oblast. The Flag Kombinate "20.1.2009" in Portland, Soviet Republic of Oregon, has designed a new flag for our Soviet Republic. Alas they have forgotten to change the portrait. It appears there is still rebellion among the masses.
James Farley, Postmaster General under Premier F.D. Roosevelt already knew in 1936, that we had bolshevik tendencies. Thus our Soviet Repulic is the first among equals in the New Order!
Obamissar 7.62
[I denounce suck bunny for claiming a title which suggests he is of the Inner Circle (praise be to the comrades more equal than I) when in fact he is not.Also I denounce Suck Bunny for suggesting WINE was meant to run the Capitalist Oppressive OS from Redmond, when in fact it was made to run APPLICATIONS meant for that most evil of OS'. I suggest using VMWare if you wish to run The OS From Redmond That Shall Not Be Named.
I would start looking into warm clothing, a beet digging shovel, and the nearest railway platform if I were you Comrade Suck Bunny.
While the Obamissar is technically correct about WINE, recall that our glorious comrades cannot run TurboShare on Linux in this way, as it was meant to run on the People's OS (HNC), not the Imperialistic OS from Redmond! Therefore, users of WINE are in league with the capitalist pig agenda, and I thus must denounce Obamissar for his denouncements!
BTW, I rather like beets and we should all do our part to cultivate the collective farming infrastructure. Perhaps you are trying to dodge your work on behalf of the people Obamissar? Moreover, I am in no need of warm clothing, as my natural furriness and fervent love of our dear leader is sufficient to provide me with acceptable levels of core temperature....unlike YOU Obammisar, who would exploit the fruits of our glorious factory proletariat to indulge your desire for bourgeois comforts (clothing indeed)!
I should suction your head with my plumbers plunger for such insults! Expect another report to the grievance committee comrade!
Comrades
Is best news.
TurboShare now running on Hope'N'Change Compatible operating system. And is free with Federal licensing. Programming language is not free, but who is?
Is written on SPECTOR SOURCE INITIATIVE using group think and email interrogation acquisition
All can use so all can share!
NEW OS NEW LANGUAGE
Is best news.
TurboShare now running on Hope'N'Change Compatible operating system. And is free with Federal licensing. Programming language is not free, but who is?
Is written on SPECTOR SOURCE INITIATIVE using group think and email interrogation acquisition
All can use so all can share!
NEW OS NEW LANGUAGE
Genosse Pieck
Thus our Soviet Repulic is the first among equals in the New Order!NYET!!! The People's Commonwealth of Virginia is the first among equals in the New Order of The Obamessiah!!! It was one of the original 13 Soviet AmeriKan Republics that declared itself a People's Commonwealth. And it is superior to the other 4 People's Commonwealth in
I denounce you GenossePieck for committing Thoughtcrime™!!! Report to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™ for a proper indoctination in how to serve The Party™. Bring warm clothes. A Party approved shovel will be issued. Like my dear Comrade Betinov, I am of The Old Guard as well and a member of The Inner Circle™. Therefore I am more equal than you!
--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party™ Approved Margarita Research and Operations
Grand Inquisitor, The Reformed Church of Latter-Day Climatology (The Goremons)
I fail to see why all you Ivan-come-latelies are so hung up on titles. Why, when I was just a fledgling member of the Cube, they had to insist on me assuming the unassuming title of Commissar. And Pinkie--dear Pinkie--had to be forced to take her title of Commissarka. Dear Pinkie. Yeah. Right. Watch it when she's pissed...
I'll have all of you know that when I am in public I wear only the briefest of external decorations. Oh, the odd gong or two, and epaulets that Cezanne and van Gough could have used for palettes, but then that's just boilerplate.
It's when I get home and I go to my crafting room where I make all my decorations that I know what I'm worth. I have decorations as big as pie plates--because that's what they're made of. I have one decoration, a simple red ribbon as might be worn on any reception, big enough to go on a Macy's balloon--because that's where it came from. And Bruno got the GeMagic, sold by my favorite fat hucker, Cathy Mitchell, and he spent many happy hours festooning that sash.
So don't scrap about decorations. Just set up a crafting room and decorate yourselves.
After all, aren't you doing that already on your resumés?
I'll have all of you know that when I am in public I wear only the briefest of external decorations. Oh, the odd gong or two, and epaulets that Cezanne and van Gough could have used for palettes, but then that's just boilerplate.
It's when I get home and I go to my crafting room where I make all my decorations that I know what I'm worth. I have decorations as big as pie plates--because that's what they're made of. I have one decoration, a simple red ribbon as might be worn on any reception, big enough to go on a Macy's balloon--because that's where it came from. And Bruno got the GeMagic, sold by my favorite fat hucker, Cathy Mitchell, and he spent many happy hours festooning that sash.
So don't scrap about decorations. Just set up a crafting room and decorate yourselves.
After all, aren't you doing that already on your resumés?
Ivan Betinov
To phooey with your new titles! Commissar was good enough for the Old Guard! You young pups (no not you, Pupovich) think currying favor with the new chairman through your obsequious title will set you for life. Just remember: there was only one Stalin. No other chairman held power for a full lifetime. This young Chairman will have his day, but there are hungry men in the Party who are looking at him like a fat child looks at a doughnut. He will be snapped up, mark my words! Then where will you Obamissars be, eh?Just a reminder. Before Commissars there were Zampolits.
--
ZB
Commissar Theocritus
... Bruno got the GeMagic, sold by my favorite fat hucker, Cathy Mitchell, and he spent many happy hours festooning that sash.Oh My Lenin! Now he's going to be prancing around with that damned sash on in The Bunker.
Eh...? What the ... ?
MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! DAMN YOU BRUNO!!! TAKE THAT DAMNED THING OFF!!!!
FOR THE SAKE OF LENIN, THEO!!! MAKE HIM STOP! MAKE HIM STOP!
Come on, Zampolit. What do you think I have to put up with? I've told you all what he's like. And I've abandoned him in Montana--remember that? And he beat me home. He's a homing queen. I tried to give him to Meow, and Meow wouldn't take him, even to ransom his Hummels.
I told our Many Titted Empress what a great masseur he was and he he could massage her Sherwin-Williams-filled cellulite, but she didn't fall for it.
I told Speakerette Nansky that Bruno was the very best for utterly useless expenditure of OPM but she said, "Theocritus, I don't mind a trillion here, or a trillion there, but that damned Bruno is your problem. If I were you I'd put your AmEx in the safe." Yeah. Like I needed being told that?
I even called Bonnie Fwank down to the Rancho, which is pretty tough because when he talks he doesn't move his upper lip. Like Charlie McCarthy. At first I thought that he might have someone's hand up his ass making him talk and then I realized that no one would take that bet.
"Bonnie," I wheedled him after five Lemon Drops, "Don't you think that you could start up another call-boy service in your Georgetown flat? Bruno can really work a telephone, you know."
And then Bonnie did something he's never done before. He left while he could stand. He rose to his feet, "Theocritus, what kind of a fool do you think that I am? Come on, Teddy. I have a better chance with you driving me home."
I told our Many Titted Empress what a great masseur he was and he he could massage her Sherwin-Williams-filled cellulite, but she didn't fall for it.
I told Speakerette Nansky that Bruno was the very best for utterly useless expenditure of OPM but she said, "Theocritus, I don't mind a trillion here, or a trillion there, but that damned Bruno is your problem. If I were you I'd put your AmEx in the safe." Yeah. Like I needed being told that?
I even called Bonnie Fwank down to the Rancho, which is pretty tough because when he talks he doesn't move his upper lip. Like Charlie McCarthy. At first I thought that he might have someone's hand up his ass making him talk and then I realized that no one would take that bet.
"Bonnie," I wheedled him after five Lemon Drops, "Don't you think that you could start up another call-boy service in your Georgetown flat? Bruno can really work a telephone, you know."
And then Bonnie did something he's never done before. He left while he could stand. He rose to his feet, "Theocritus, what kind of a fool do you think that I am? Come on, Teddy. I have a better chance with you driving me home."
My humblest apology for any offense caused to the Members of the Politbureau and Nomenklatura. I am a mere Genosse, no Kommissar or Staatsratsvorsitzender.
I will bribe the leadership, err, inspire my fellow proles at ZIL to ensure you have to wait only 10 years for your state vehicle, instead of 20.
I will also be sending beet baskets and potato heads carved in the image of the Great Leader.
I will bribe the leadership, err, inspire my fellow proles at ZIL to ensure you have to wait only 10 years for your state vehicle, instead of 20.
I will also be sending beet baskets and potato heads carved in the image of the Great Leader.
Thank you, dear Pieck. You caused no grievance whatsoever.
But I'll let you in on a secret. If you could send a mole rat
to Senator Pat Leahy
he would thank you forever for finding his long-lost twin brother separated at birth.
But I'll let you in on a secret. If you could send a mole rat
to Senator Pat Leahy
he would thank you forever for finding his long-lost twin brother separated at birth.
Genosse Pieck
I will also be sending beet baskets and potato heads carved in the image of the Great Leader.Sehr geehrter Genosse Pieck,
As our comrade from the far-away DDR, which is the
Alternatively we could use rabbits in the shape of Rush Limbaugh and other Republican leaders, for the purpose of ritualistic public slaughtering on the front lawn of the White House, with their meat devoured at subsequent presidential parties, and the bones redistributed to the homeless Democrat voters.
This might also solve the looming food shortages in the US, just like it solved them North Korea.
North Korea Leaps At Food Shortage Solution
I must humbly correct you, comrade Red. While I hail from the former Capitalist/Fascist Occupied Territories of the DDR (by the Imperial West called Federal Republic of Germany) I moved to the USSA (Soviet of Oregon, later Washington - after filling out necessary permits at local Miliz Office) in 1996 g. after the Great Leader Clintonov did not inhale the opiate of the masses.
I still have connection to Nomenklatura of the DDR, as my great-aunt lived inBerlin Hauptstadt-der-DDR-Pankow, thus, calling on international drushba, I will assisst in procuring large rabbitts from your vassal state, home of the real-existierenden Sozialismus and the antifascist protection wall.
I still have connection to Nomenklatura of the DDR, as my great-aunt lived in
This is great. Perhaps your great-aunt can send us another achievement of German science - a few clones of Scarlett Johansson, who, according to emails I'm receiving, has been created with stolen biological material from a christian young lady in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Rhineland-Palatinate, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.
(Who needs more clones of SJ, place request with the Obama's Redistribution Department. SJ clones shall be rationed to each according to their needs after Party members and Commissars get theirs needs satisfied first. Supply limited. First served, first come. May become alternative solution to world hunger due to overdeveloped mammary glands. Taxpayer-funded research into massive domestic cloning of SJ has been earmarked and is part of Stimulus Package).
(Scarlett Johansson's Golden Globes)
(Who needs more clones of SJ, place request with the Obama's Redistribution Department. SJ clones shall be rationed to each according to their needs after Party members and Commissars get theirs needs satisfied first. Supply limited. First served, first come. May become alternative solution to world hunger due to overdeveloped mammary glands. Taxpayer-funded research into massive domestic cloning of SJ has been earmarked and is part of Stimulus Package).
(Scarlett Johansson's Golden Globes)
Red, I think you've got it. The Evil Limblow has said that most people think of the government as a giant sow with 300,000,000 nipples. If we could breed enough women to bear that many nipples, then all would be happy and fed.
Also, if you get engaged in email correspondence with Scarlett Johanssonand receive her weekly political advice, you may also become president - or at least feel like one.
We just need to find out which of SJ's clones engaged in email correspondence with Barack Obama. We just hope it was not one controlled by some capitalist splinter group within the Republican Party.
We just need to find out which of SJ's clones engaged in email correspondence with Barack Obama. We just hope it was not one controlled by some capitalist splinter group within the Republican Party.
There's one thing that you have to say about SOBama--he has better taste in women than Slick Willie.
Hmm. Reading the explanation of His O'liness I see that it was a nugatory thing. If true, then Scarlett is a stalker--which is definitely news. Have you ever seen the back of SOBama's head? Does it have Prada on it?
Commissar Theocritus
Come on, Zampolit. What do you think I have to put up with? I've told you all what he's like. And I've abandoned him in Montana--remember that? And he beat me home. He's a homing queen. I tried to give him to Meow, and Meow wouldn't take him, even to ransom his Hummels.I told our Many Titted Empress what a great masseur he was and he he could massage her Sherwin-Williams-filled cellulite, but she didn't fall for it.
I told Speakerette Nansky that Bruno was the very best for utterly useless expenditure of OPM but she said, "Theocritus, I don't mind a trillion here, or a trillion there, but that damned Bruno is your problem. If I were you I'd put your AmEx in the safe." Yeah. Like I needed being told that?
I even called Bonnie Fwank down to the Rancho, which is pretty tough because when he talks he doesn't move his upper lip. Like Charlie McCarthy. At first I thought that he might have someone's hand up his ass making him talk and then I realized that no one would take that bet.
"Bonnie," I wheedled him after five Lemon Drops, "Don't you think that you could start up another call-boy service in your Georgetown flat? Bruno can really work a telephone, you know."
And then Bonnie did something he's never done before. He left while he could stand. He rose to his feet, "Theocritus, what kind of a fool do you think that I am? Come on, Teddy. I have a better chance with you driving me home."
I knew about the incident with Her Excellency, our MTE, and the others but not the one about Bonnie Fwank. Dayum! What the hell is this world coming to? Bonnie passed on Bruno? This is the first time I have ever heard that Bonnie said no to someone built like an NFL lineman and looks like Carmen Miranda. Bonnie always bends over backwards (and sometimes forwards) for the GLBT community. Did you offer to bribe Bonnie with ... say ... a new blue dress from Dolce & Gabbana along with some stylish pumps? (My girlfriend looooooves D&G!!!)
Look... just get Bruno to stop prancing around in The Bunker while wearing anything that he has bejeweled. My ophthalmologist gave me Kevlar laced eyedrops to protect me this time. But he could blind a ranking party member with that bejeweled crap!
Oh man! If he blinds Meow... I'm taking a vacation somewhere far away, like Venuzueala.
I just had an idea. Have you tried to pawn Bruno off onto Michelle O.? Missy O is a brawny girl with some impressive "guns". I'll bet she could man handle a hairy, 6'3", 250lb, cross dresser. Hell, I'd pay money to see that!!!
--
SOBama!! Excellent Comrade Commissar! And if this Prada logo IS there, and you say that she's a Mahu, perhaps this will be your method for dispensing with Bruno...
Commissar Theocritus
Thank you, dear Pieck. You caused no grievance whatsoever.But I'll let you in on a secret. If you could send a mole rat
to Senator Pat Leahy
he would thank you forever for finding his long-lost twin brother separated at birth.
*sigh* Leave it to Theocritus to find not one, but TWO scrotums with faces...
Zampolot
Did you offer to bribe Bonnie with ... say ... a new blue dress from Dolce & Gabbana along with some stylish pumps?"Devil with a blue dress, devil with a blue dress, devil with a blue dress on..."
If you've seen Bonnie Fwank in pumps you wouldn't say that. His knees aren't nobby--they're cantaloupe halves. On bottle brushes. With bald patches. Standing in watermelon rinds.
Vodkavitch, let us not be mean to dear Pat Leaky Leahy. I defy you to find a more perfect progressive: He leaks intelligence information so he can seem big; he's venal; he double-crosses people; and he's pig stupid.
It's no accident that the mole rat is looking down on him.
Obamissar 7.62
Send him my way Commissar, I could use an extra prole at on the People's Rifle(TM) assembly line in Factory 1017. Platform 12, boxcar for Olympia Collective, State of Obama. Bring wet weather gear and a funnel to use in pouring concrete into the barrels of People's Rifles(TM) Beet digging implements will be provided on arrival.He's all yours, my faithful Obamissar. The PPC of Obama (left coast) is becoming very productive under your tutelage. I applaud your efforts, and suggest that if this prole forgets his wet weather gear, poncho, poncho liner, etc. that you not even give him those belonging to a prole who dies from being overworked and under-fed.
At the Bayonet Assault Course, we had to trade our rifles for People's Rifles. Rather than getting the usual "rubber-duck" rifles that certainly could not stand up to the rigors of butt-stroking little green men all day (DOWN Bruno!! DOWN!!! Bonnie!!! PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS!!!). Instead, we received M-16s that had their barrels filled with concrete. Oddly enough, the range cadre referred to these particular gats as "Democrat rifles" because "once they get done re-writing the Constitution this is all you'll be able to get."
Ivan Betinov
Is there anything more vicious than a newly made commissar? You boys are making an old Bolshevik proud.Comrade Brain, gotta flex the new muscle to establish the pecking order, of course. Nothing more challenging for a leader than having to lead what were, just moments ago, your peers. Of course, The Party makes it easier because tact and skill can be traded for brute force and ignorance!
Don't mind Suck Bunny. Soon enough he'll learn that impersonating a Kommissar is a grave offense... as he digs his own grave. Or gets sent to North Korea to feed the masses. When he calls 1-800-IM-SNITCH he's auto-forwarded to 1-900-ENSLAVE-ME, so Obamissar 7.62 need not worry. Regarding Obamissars, some of the Comrades in my beet field, upon being directed to The People's Cube by yours truly, and being given no other information, report back to me with comments like "The Wealth Spread was hilarious," "Is the Hamas Baby Armor real?" and "There's someone called Obamissar on there! That's freakin' hilarious." It's a pointless title, but it brings more loyalty to The Party.
Comrade Commissar Theocritus- The fascination with titles, besides what I described above, is simple. It stems from the realization that only those with titles have a slightly less miserable time when exposed to Socialism. They've "learned" from the history books that haven't been burned or re-written yet, and are trying to get as far as possible before Next Tuesday. I was inculcated with such values when I began to see that ideas that were perfectly worthy were discarded solely based on the rank of the originator in the People's Liberation Army. Of course, as a Commissar, I now believe this is perfectly acceptable and should be sustained. And NOBODY is miserable in Socialism!
When you mentioned Bruno's GeMagic, since I'm in Der Vaterland at the moment, I saw the Deutsch pronunciation of the vowel and it read Gay Magic- a thoroughly fitting description for Bruno.
-COV
Ah, I do take your point. But since Bruno is, how do I say it? a bit shopworn now, the magic is gone. Could not the "ge" be the postfix for the past tense? For I promise you the magic is gone. Gone, gone, and gone.
I'm thinking of organizing an expedition down to the Amazon River with our newly minted Commissars. A sort of Darwinian experiment, pitting them against the piranas. But there is one difference. A pirana will eat until it's quite full and then stop. A good socialist will eat until it's full, and then take more while telling the person whose hand it's bitten off, "You shouldn't be so selfish. The Greater Good requires your other hand."
I'm thinking of organizing an expedition down to the Amazon River with our newly minted Commissars. A sort of Darwinian experiment, pitting them against the piranas. But there is one difference. A pirana will eat until it's quite full and then stop. A good socialist will eat until it's full, and then take more while telling the person whose hand it's bitten off, "You shouldn't be so selfish. The Greater Good requires your other hand."
So what you're saying is that he has a drawstring on his cornhole now to keep the PTC from falling out? In this case, your use of "ge" is infinitely more equal. When my Joes FUBAR something, I like to tell them that it's aufgefuckt...
For this expedition, make sure to bring the Commissar of Cuidado, porque alla hay llamas:
For this expedition, make sure to bring the Commissar of Cuidado, porque alla hay llamas:
Flame on, Flame off.
Flame on, flame off, the clapped-out.
The problem, Vodkavich, is then the PTC meets with BOSO. It makes the most insidious of combinations--Law Review articles.
The problem, Vodkavich, is then the PTC meets with BOSO. It makes the most insidious of combinations--Law Review articles.
Kommissar Suck Bunny
Obamissar 7.62
[I denounce suck bunny for claiming a title which suggests he is of the Inner Circle (praise be to the comrades more equal than I) when in fact he is not.Also I denounce Suck Bunny for suggesting WINE was meant to run the Capitalist Oppressive OS from Redmond, when in fact it was made to run APPLICATIONS meant for that most evil of OS'. I suggest using VMWare if you wish to run The OS From Redmond That Shall Not Be Named.
I would start looking into warm clothing, a beet digging shovel, and the nearest railway platform if I were you Comrade Suck Bunny.
While the Obamissar is technically correct about WINE, recall that our glorious comrades cannot run TurboShare on Linux in this way, as it was meant to run on the People's OS (HNC), not the Imperialistic OS from Redmond! Therefore, users of WINE are in league with the capitalist pig agenda, and I thus must denounce Obamissar for his denouncements!
BTW, I rather like beets and we should all do our part to cultivate the collective farming infrastructure. Perhaps you are trying to dodge your work on behalf of the people Obamissar? Moreover, I am in no need of warm clothing, as my natural furriness and fervent love of our dear leader is sufficient to provide me with acceptable levels of core temperature....unlike YOU Obammisar, who would exploit the fruits of our glorious factory proletariat to indulge your desire for bourgeois comforts (clothing indeed)!
I should suction your head with my plumbers plunger for such insults! Expect another report to the grievance committee comrade!
Well I could use a furry creature for testing People's Rifles(TM) on. In fact perhaps I could find a way to have fake Commissar rabbits used to create fur lined carrying cases for People's Rifles(TM)... Hmmm Pupovich, do you like curried rabbit?
Commissar Obamissar V
Obamissar 7.62
Send him my way Commissar, I could use an extra prole at on the People's Rifle(TM) assembly line in Factory 1017. Platform 12, boxcar for Olympia Collective, State of Obama. Bring wet weather gear and a funnel to use in pouring concrete into the barrels of People's Rifles(TM) Beet digging implements will be provided on arrival.He's all yours, my faithful Obamissar. The PPC of Obama (left coast) is becoming very productive under your tutelage. I applaud your efforts, and suggest that if this prole forgets his wet weather gear, poncho, poncho liner, etc. that you not even give him those belonging to a prole who dies from being overworked and under-fed.
At the Bayonet Assault Course, we had to trade our rifles for People's Rifles. Rather than getting the usual "rubber-duck" rifles that certainly could not stand up to the rigors of butt-stroking little green men all day (DOWN Bruno!! DOWN!!! Bonnie!!! PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS!!!). Instead, we received M-16s that had their barrels filled with concrete. Oddly enough, the range cadre referred to these particular gats as "Democrat rifles" because "once they get done re-writing the Constitution this is all you'll be able to get."
Thank you Commissar for the use of the prole. I shall put him to work in the beet field. Now I need beets to produce Stalin's Blood Beet Vodka(TM) as well. Buy one liter, get a free People's Pocket Pistol(TM)! Plus if I am now given proles by Commissars, then I should not have to dig my own beets, yah?
Heheh I had never heard of Democrat Rifles before. Perhaps I should do a line of People's M16's as well at Factory 1017
Commissar Theocritus
The Clap On is the easy part. The Clap Off is the hard part. Which when you think about it seems rather oxymoronic.Comrades,
Allow me to digress with relevance: There is a chain store (regional, I believe) in my current Preferred Polity of Choice called Hard Off. I keep waiting for the competitor or sister (brother?) store to appear. I know it's out there: I can feel it.
Commissar Theocritus
There's one thing that you have to say about SOBama--he has better taste in women than Slick Willie.Comrade Commissar Theocritus,
True. But then, among those who have sexual relations with women, I might dare say that puts The One solidly among the majority of said group.
Comrade_Tovarich
Commissar Theocritus
The Clap On is the easy part. The Clap Off is the hard part. Which when you think about it seems rather oxymoronic.Comrades,
Allow me to digress with relevance: There is a chain store (regional, I believe) in my current Preferred Polity of Choice called Hard Off. I keep waiting for the competitor or sister (brother?) store to appear. I know it's out there: I can feel it.
Comrade Comrade Comrade,
Are you a regular contributor to engrish.com? They have a brog too...
Here at the Rancho de Rio Grande we could contribute. Once someone kidded the District Clerk, "Juana, you couldn't work for NASA because every time someone said, 'launch,' you'd go out to eat."
Red Square
Just heard the glorious news, comrades! Citibank is now 30% owned by the government! Comrade General Secretary just called me to confirm that this formerly powerful but now struggling institution has been renamed from "Citi" to "Shiti" in all its occurences, from Shitibank to Shitigroup.SHITIBANK: it's where you deposit your stimulus package. Free downloads!
The new Citibank commercials!
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c130f64d6f/the-new-f-ing-citibank
Dialog Box on Obama Computer...
niHil, I denounce you for making this up. His O'liness would never, ever throw it in the trash.
He'd have a weenie roast.
He'd have a weenie roast.
Or use it to roll another blunt.
Also I think that he, sorry, he would switch to a Mac which uses the Trash instead of the Recycle Bin.
With something dangerous like the constitution, you want to make damned sure it's all gone. When you recycle, there might be bits and pieces left. Twenty-five years ago in East Germany the toilet paper was, I'm told, made of recycled unbleached newsprint--and you could read words that had been printed on it.
Just think if he, sorry, HE, recycled the Constitution and some poor person saw the word "liberty"--it might cause an actionable cardiac arrest.
With something dangerous like the constitution, you want to make damned sure it's all gone. When you recycle, there might be bits and pieces left. Twenty-five years ago in East Germany the toilet paper was, I'm told, made of recycled unbleached newsprint--and you could read words that had been printed on it.
Just think if he, sorry, HE, recycled the Constitution and some poor person saw the word "liberty"--it might cause an actionable cardiac arrest.
Commissars know HE will photoshop his new version before recycle bin. Worked once already. But using TRASH bin is not GreenTM and would cost Carbon Credits. Recycle Bin is like Treasury Bills-- All FREE!
All hail to TheOne
All hail to TheOne
Commissar Obamissar V
Are you a regular contributor to engrish.com? They have a brog too...Comrade Commissar Obamissar V,
Oddly, no. I do not carry a camera frequently enough and I still cling to a Japanese cellphone so old its screen is monocolor and lacks a camera. I am afraid the site would become to addictive and reduce my ability to
Red Square
SHITIBANK: it's where you deposit your stimulus package. Free downloads!Comrades,
This topic is dear to my bleeding heart, as my portfolio bled red, not green, thanks to Shitibank, which I have since flushed. However, for holding multiple currencies, it's rather handy where I am. However, non-native currencies are not governmentally backed.
Commissar Theocritus
Also I think that he, sorry, he would switch to a Mac which uses the Trash instead of the Recycle Bin. By the time he does this, I'll be using my Government Regulated People's Mac. It will feature a metal drum in an alley way burning the trash to keep warm.| Related Articles | Author | Replies | Views | |
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THE PARTY BUNKER RedSquare@ThePeoplesCube.com 
Red Square,
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Department of
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THE PARTY ORGAN :: Mother Page <|> Karl Marx Treatment Center 
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<|> GroupThink Forum <|> Current Truth Blog <|> Current Truth Forum <|> People's Blog <|> People's Forum :: PARTY APPROVED MOVEMENTS :: The Communist Manifesto <|> Religion Of Peace™: Islam & Red Jihad <|> Global Warming Climate Change <|> Media the Lapdog for Obama <|> People's Competition <|> People's Contest <|> People's Cube Ads <|> A Worwmhole Into The Progressive Future :: ORIENTATION FOR NEWLY ARRIVED THOUGHTCRIMINALS :: Welcome Message To New Thoughtcriminals <|> Orientation Training For New Thoughtcriminals <|> You might be guilty of thoughtcrime if...<|> The Purpose of This Site <|> The People's Glossary™ <|> People's Tools <|> Red Primer for Children and Diplomats <|> Submissions <|> The Purges <|> Jiffi-Lobo™ <|> PeopleMath™ <|> Gulag for Trolls :: QUIZZES :: Guilt Quiz <|> Interactive Collective Quiz :: TRUTH GENERATORS :: Progressive Truth Generator™ <|> Group Name Picker <|> NY Times Headlines Predictor :: VISUAL AGITATION :: Party-Approved Signs & Posters <|> Tea Party Posters: Complete Collection, Free Downloads <|> 2008 Election Posters <|> Obama HOPE Poster Parodies <|> Obama HOPE Poster Cards <|> Protest Posters :: MUSIC & VIDEOS :: Red Square Records <|> People's Karaoke: Progressive sing-alongs <|> People's Songs: For collective dancing and marching <|> Wild Party-Approved Videos <|> The People's Videos :: COMMISSARS & 5th COLUMNISTS :: Al Gore, People's I.T. Guy <|> Paul Kurgman <|> Hillary, People's Leader <|> Doctor Fuku <|> Dr. Idi Amin <|> For The Greater Bad(by $$ Halliburton) <|> KG3 <|> Laika The Space Dog <|> Lenin's Nook <|> Comrade Mr. Snuggle Bunny <|> Dr. Palimpsest <|> Buck The NPR Host <|> Ask A Comrade <|> Angie Comics :: SHOP :: People's Dry Goods Store: State-Run Store #86 <|> The People's Cube <|> Obama Playing Cards <|> Obama Memorabilia Money <|> People's T-shirts <|> People's Posters <|> People's Buttons <|> People's Postcards <|> People's Magnets <|> People's Bags <|> People's Mugs <|> People's Stickers <|> People's Ties <|> People's Aprons <|> People's Keychains <|> People's Hats :: ARCHIVES :: People's Cube 2009 <|> People's Cube 2008 <|> People's Cube 2007 <|> People's Cube 2006 <|> People's Cube 2005 <|> People's Cube Classics <|> People's Political Humor & Satire Nyet :: FIN
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