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Earth Day:
(Semantically saving the earth from Global Warming) a day of action to save the earth from farmers, ranchers, mining, timber, oil, chemical companies, and anyone else who seeks to utilize the earth's resources to enhance, enrich, and extend the lives of Americans and others worldwide. Characterized by the media's massive awareness drive to (a) remind the world that American capitalists are raping the earth and stealing its riches, thus causing all of the planet's environmental problems; (b) advocate a greater government control of land, resources, and industries; and (c) increase the constantly growing white male guilt levels. A great way to politicize spring cleaning and give an ideological rationalization for the rebirth of nature.(From The People's Glossary)
Earth Day: Bush Shovels Earth In Punishment
The picture above, taken off the government website EarthDay.gov, documents the punishment that a coalition of progressive activists imposed on the neo-imperialistic criminal George Bush as part of International Earth Day celebration April 22nd.
The original Earth Day was celebrated in San Francisco on March 21, 1970 on the initiative of John McConnell who on his site explains that March 21 is the date to celebrate Easter, Equinox, and Earth at the same time. Why was then official Earth Day moved to April 22, who moved it and when? The official Earth Day Network does not mention the switch. But then it doesn't mention Orwell's 1984 either.
The Earth Day idea was picked up by all progressive organizations, as it was a great way to politicize the rebirth of nature and provide ideological underpinning for spring cleaning activities. In fact it was so progressive that it could no longer be associated with Easter. Earth Day had to be moved further away from religion and closer to communism.
Apart from raising our awareness about capitalism as the source of the world's troubles, Earth Day is a celebration of uncompensated collective work for the Greater Good. Thus both Earth Day and Subbotnik coincided on so many levels that it was only logical to combine them into one holiday. The Left had already taken over the environmental movement in the past, now they took over Earth Day and turned it into a communist holiday. That was not so hard to do, considering that international progressive movements own the American mass media and educational establishments. | April 22 is known in Russia as Lenin's birthday and is traditionally celebrated by uncompensated shoveling of earth. The event is called the Communist Subbotnik, or the Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day. On a Saturday around that day all workers, peasants, and toiling intelligentsia are supposed to donate to the Worker's State a day of free labor - either at workplace or on communal property - cleaning streets, digging earth in public parks and lawns, etc. It is a good educational experience for the proletarians, reinforcing in them true communist values - sacrifice through hard uncompensated labor, humility, and respect for authority of the Party's founder. It also provides a metaphysical experience wherein the proletarians can reach the state of spiritual enlightenment as motes of a vast collective. Vodka also helps.
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Thus we, the progressive forces, have made the whole world, including George Bush, unwittingly celebrate Lenin's birthday, and participate in the Subbotnik. This is similar to what we did with Klara Zetkin's International Women's Day on March 8. In related news, the Progressive Caucus is developing legislation to move Thanksgiving to November 7, the day of Bolshevik Revolution that brought Communism to Russia .
Lumpen
April 20 is Hitler's birthday. Hitler is an important ideological weapon helping us win just about any argument with right-wingers. As such he must be viewed as pure evil at all times. This, of course, creates a philosophical paradox: everybody knows that morality is relative and there is no such thing as absolute good or absolute evil. The answer is that Hitler is a necessary exception. If he didn't exist he'd have to be invented. What makes him so evil? It doesn't matter. He's evil, period. You needn't know unless you are an advanced student of the Progressive theory. If you are, then you must know that Hitler is evil because he wanted to create socialism for the White man only - National Socialism. We the Progressives want quite the opposite. Hitler also promoted the concept of uncompensated labor for the Greater Good (labor camps) but his Greater Good was different from our Greater Good (see above). That's where it gets tricky and any further discussions should only be allowed to Party-approved professors of Progressive science.
And remember - every rule has exceptions including this rule and exceptions from it!
As far as the holidays go, we can, perhaps, combine Hitler's birthday with such politically incorrect holidays as Columbus Day, or such reactionary holidays favored by right-wing Christian fundamentalists as Christmas. In fact, we are going to write an instructive letter to the Progressive Caucus asking them to legislate just that.
Red Square
Propaganda Department
Al Gore
Al Gore
Fellow Traveller
http://www.canadiannetworkoncuba.ca/brigade/
Thank goodness for the Canadians of the world! We should have a day for them, too! They understand Socialism so well ...
Here's a picture of beloved Che:
As stupid in death as he was in life. Oops, did I just say that?
As the tree that falls in the forest for noone to hear....
RosaEsq.
Nevertheless, we sat on the grass in a circle. Â But instead of discussing relevant course material, we read excerpts from the beloved Kyoto Treaty. What a glorious and essential document! Â Afterwards, I asked the students to take a moment to reflect on their relationship with nature and then draw a picture illustrating it. Â To my dismay, a few students demurred, saying that they could not draw very well. Â
I felt like a real, insensitive jerk for a moment. Â Then, I had a brilliant idea, which is not an infrequent occurrence, dare I say. Â I found the two best artists in the class and insisted that they do everyone's drawings for them. Â Oh, the beauty of "from each...to each"! Â It was a happy Earth Day, indeed.
But Lenin's ashes could have fed the trees?
Must be my guilt level...
Capitalism Magazine
Nikita Khrushchev, Soviet Premier after Joseph Stalin, decided in 1955 that the country should celebrate their national political philosophy, communism. He chose as the day, April 22, Vladimir Lenin's birthday, a tribute to the founder of the Soviet Union. When environmentalists decided that the Earth deserved a day of celebration in 1970, they could have picked any day of the year, as no one knows the exact day date of the Earth's birthday. They chose Lenin's birthday, just as Khrushchev had done. Was this just a coincidence? I think not.No, comrades! It was NOT just a coincidence! It was the COMMON DENOMINATOR!
Errhmmm.
This year for Earth Day (or the day after Earth day) I will be making a special trip around the world in a gas guzzling 747 jumbo-jets to proclaim the beginning of the end! Yes, in time the world will become a smoltering hot volcano if we do not get Algore (PBUH) on the ticket with Her Most Exalted Excellency, Hillary Rodham Clinton. I will be accompanied by no one (I refuse to car-pool with others) and shall be shuttled around in a tank/limousine (spray painted green to show my solidarity) through the beautiful streets of  Paris (no, Theocritus, you are not coming with me... I have no time to drop you off at a local Bath House... too much money is at stake this year and too many under fed models need my progressive help... among other things.). In Paris I will be making a brief 50 word speech on why Socialism works and why that hag Royal should be elected and blah blah blah. I will then venture to the local whore house to plant trees, pay for a sensual massage with OPM and conclude with a visit to Dr. P's vineyards (where I will receive another sensual massage from whatever bulimic French model he has running around in her paper mache g-string.)
Yes comrades... I do this for the Common Good and on behalf of saving Mother Earth/Gaia/ Church of Climatology/ OPM/ Lenin and whatever else excuses my Demokrat decadence.
gimme your $$$ and piss off ,
M. S. Punchenko
Yes, It removes all carbon emissions from the from the gases produced by the charcoal. Nevermind the fact that I had to have the local coal burning power plant install a 5,000 Mega-Watt circuit at my estate ... er ... "dacha" in order to power it. Yes! I do my part to protect the environment as all good socialists should! Because .... I Care(tm).
And NO Comrade Theocritus, you cannot use it to "treat" that rash you developed after you returned from Thailand. Chairman Meow makes sure Lupe uses it properly to blow dry Comrade Pelosivich's armpit hair when I am not using it for my barbecues.
--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Damn... it's already April 23 and I missed my coerced Earth Day comment by two hours.... sh*t... I could be shot for this!No worries, Punch Diddy, for isn't every day "Earth Dayâ„¢"? Â
You're part of the nomenklatura now, so no need to worry about such petty things as "deadlines" - we have an army of virtuous and heroic proletarian workers who are responsible for meeting them, while we work on behalf of their Greatergoodâ„¢ (Ggâ„¢), of course. Â We do it out of a sense of noblesse oblige, but it's a burden we willing bear. Â And nothing leads to the Ggâ„¢ like a personal sojourn in France for a member of the Party's Inner Circleâ„¢ (PICâ„¢).
BTW, Vivienne Lyotard, a true gift of Bacchus' vine, will see that you are properly accomodated when you reach Chateau Babeauf this evening.
Enjoy, mon ami! Â Here's to letting our offshore accounts get "greener" by the day!
A votre sante,
Dr. P
Errrhhhmmm.... that's right Dr. P <wink> I might be shot for forgetting about one the holiest days in our revolutionary calendar. My goodness, Lenin forbid if I were to forget May Day! LENIN FORBID! I just hope no one else makes such a grave error. <looks right at Lupe>
Praise Gore from whom all knowledge flows
Praise Global Warming for we know
There's power to grab with tons of dough
Praise Marx, Lenin, and Stalin's Ghost
A-genderneutral
Rev. L. Space Dogged
If this rock is wet... Â Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is swaying... Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is hot... Â Â Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is cool... Â Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is white... Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is blue... Â Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is gone... Â Â Â It's Global Warming
If this rock is glowing... Â Gaia is about to smite thee
Remember, the Goreacle is watching you this Earth Day.
Rik
As it was once written, "All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others!". Just ask Comrade Bill Clinton!
Besides, no one cares(tm) more for the proles than us!
I have to head for Neiman-Marcus to purchase new china and dinner ware. Marty Stewart is coming over to speak about her experiences in a Wimmin's Prison. Her Excellency, HRC, should come and listen to what close camaraderie can be found when immersed in an all-femayl environment.
BTW: Meow? Is Lupe through using my Algore-nator 5000? I'm planning another barbecue for the weekend. Some of the major oil company CEOs are coming over to the county club ... er... "kommune" to discusss ripping off ... er ... I mean ... assisting the proles!
Algore Akhbar!
--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Laika
A Goremon's Table Blessing:Praise Gore from whom all knowledge flows
Praise Global Warming for we know
There's power to grab with tons of dough
Praise Marx, Lenin, and Stalin's Ghost
A-genderneutral
Rev. L. Space Dogged
Laika, I neglected to tell how how fitting your doxology is, and it arrived on my birthday. And how lucky I am to share a birthday with that heroing of the Bug Eyed Queens, Babs Streisand. Once it got out that I shared Ste. Barbara's birthday, the BEQsâ„¢ Theocritus Ltd., laid Teddy Bears outside the front door of my dacha, in the ivory that Babs wears only since Donna Karan told her that ivory was her color. It reflects her nose less than other colors. Once, in the 70s, Babs wore a sequined jacket and the flood lights caused a reflection of her nose off the sequins jiggling in resonant frequency to her vibrato and it hit the exact frequency to cause seizures. There are still about 100 dancing queens (â„¢ ABBA) in a perpetual fugue on a stage in New York.
You'll note that this is the one place in New York, or indeed the world, that is utterly secure from terrorist attack.
Commissar Theocritus
Laika
A Goremon's Table Blessing:Praise Gore from whom all knowledge flows
Praise Global Warming for we know
There's power to grab with tons of dough
Praise Marx, Lenin, and Stalin's Ghost
Commissar, could you please help your poor Comrade by filling him in on the Party Plans for the possible hurricanes? Just 2 years ago your very own Comrade Pupovich had to endure both Hurricane Comrade Katrina and Comrade Rita within but a few weeks of each other. As it happens, Katrina was to my right, Rita to my left, so I got a bit of both of these hurricanes the evil Bush created. Now we have another possible killer in the Gulf! That Bush just can't be stopped it seems! I fear we may not have enough proles here to serve my needs should the state get hit again, and of course Chocolate Nagin will be too busy rounding up school busses. Do you have any suggestions?
Steal everything that you can, all the time, and blame Bush. Sock the money away and blame Bush. If it's cloudy, blame Bush.
Commissar Theocritus
Start stealing now. Why wait to get your Cadillac the way the Nawlins cops did? And blame Bush, of course, if you get caught.Steal everything that you can, all the time, and blame Bush. Sock the money away and blame Bush. If it's cloudy, blame Bush.
That is wise advice of course, but I have already began making those preparations and of course that is Bush's fault. What I was wondering frankly, is whether I could reduce my quota of denunciations for the remaining of the Bush Hurricane season so that I can make use of the extra proles? I can put them to good use hauling my meager goods in my Dacha after the Bush storm, and of course I can make use of the pilfered ammunition and shovels after the storm is through.
Commissar Theocritus
No, Commissar Pupovich, my vacation Dacha is on South Padre Island, but my true home, where the proles groan under my heel, is Pecos. But do not worry about my house--it can withstand a Force Five hurricane. I learned my lesson when Rosie and Our Many Titted Empress both came down and Bruno had forgotten to put in the three-phase for the Hildo Hydra 7.1. The rage, the rage. First National Bank of Harlingen shifted enough on its foundation that it cracked a water main. So my dacha is well secured for a storm. But I do thank you for your concern. A thousand proles were worked to death to do it, but no matter, because it was For The People, which you are far enough advanced into the Party to know that it means, For Me.I am most relieved to know that you are not at risk in any way. It is good to have many proles between you and a hurricane as they act as a wind and water barrier to the Bush Hurricanes. Of course when the glorious day arrives, which is not far off, when the Party takes power, there will be no more hurricanes.
However, we may find it useful to continue producing hurricanes for they do have the desired effect of "thinning out" the less useful proles. How well I remember sitting out on the front porch of my dacha during both Bush Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and contemplating the sheer utilitarian possibilities of man made hurricanes. Now this did not come without a price as yours truly had to live without electricity for several weeks. Of course this was before I had seen the light of the Party's wisdom. You would not believe the way these "storms" cleared out useless trees in my area, antiquated power lines, and later raised the price of living accommodations to further clear out the lesser proles.
Oh, and remind the Pup to tell you his Bush Hurricane Katrina IRS story one day! But I know you must be busy right now overseeing some Party Work or engaged in some well deserved recreation.
Commissar Theocritus
Yes, Commissar Pupovich. I spend today visiting sick people at the Reeves County Hospital, got the pharmacist drunk, and walked off with all the drugs.I do hope you remembered to send the pharmacist a bill for the alcohol you lavished upon him?
Commissar Theocritus
You think I didn't? And I sold his wife into white slavery too, and blamed the Republicans for it.The Pup is sorry Commissar for even allowing a smidgen of doubt to enter the Pup's thoughts, he really should know better by now. The Pup is just too distracted planning his fact finding mission for eco prostitution.
Commissar Theocritus
Commissar, all is forgiven. When you go on your fact-finding mission for eco-prostitution, be sure to take Michael Moore with you. You can sell him by the pound to pygmy head-hunters for tons of the poison that they use on their darts. It's very nice for getting into bank vaults, you know.I have tried to take Moore with me in the past, but alas, will do so no more. It was all I could do to find a rickshaw that he could fit in, and then he waddles so slowly getting me there I missed my appointment and had to settle for er.. an "interview" with a "consultant" that looked remarkably like the description I have read here of the Many Titted Empress.
Ah, but I do love that woman. Last year we were wandering around DC, all drunk on virgin's blood, well H8 takes hers straight but I have a Bloody Mary with Mumbai Non-Conflict Sapphire gin, and we found ourselves outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. With an agility I've only seen in Oympic pole-vaulters, our MTE jumped over the fence and tried to get back inside.
What a ruckus she set up, there under the search lights, her hooves making divots in the yard, her tusks flashing in the Klieg lights, sod flying everywhere, all just trying to get into the Oval Office to see to its redecoration by DuPont--the best latex you know.
It took every single drug at GWU hospital to sedate her. What a memory. The DC Chief of Police took a leave of absence and is reportedly doing very well making baskets.
Commissar Theocritus
Was this before or after Our Many Titted Empress had her tusks surgically removed? It took three surgeons two days and they had to operate in shifts. And the plastic surgery to remake her lips--there's a reason for that snarl...... With an agility I've only seen in Oympic pole-vaulters, our MTE jumped over the fence and tried to get back inside.Great Stalin's Ghost! It may have indeed been the MTE post detusking surgery. All I can say is the creature... er.... lady, had some lips that protruded so far they reminded me of an S&S carburetor on a 47 Knucklehead, though not as classy and appeared to be holding on by only one bolt as it was way off kilter. She was wearing some silicon based purple and gold vacuum grease that I presumed at the time was her idea of makeup, though it was so thick, and oozed some sort of secretion that it could have easily been a post surgery site.
But what really makes me wonder is your description of her "athletic" ability. For as it happens, I discovered as I was trying to leave, that I had mistakenly left my Party discount card in my Zil (it was sometime back before I had moved up in the party, and it did make a good undercover vehicle). As I was trying to go get this card, this creature seemed to get the wrong impression and actually thought yours truly was trying to "stiff them" for the second, or was it a third or even fourth time? My memory is a bit hazy. I heard this blood curdling howl from the very depths of the Gulag as I was shutting the ornamental iron gate. I turned just in time to see this creature seem to fly over the gate. Were it not for her... how does one describe such a thing.... her monkee like tail got tangled with the iron  spikes on the gate. Needless to say, I proceeded to my car and left as quickly as possible. Could it have been her/it?
Gather closer, Pup, this is entre nous. If, and I say if, our MTE grows too big for her britches, oh I don't mean bit in a normal sense, that's already happened, but really intolerable, you know, H8 intolerable, then I have a plan to off her. You cannot have a single thing of value on you, and that includes gold fillings, for she can smell that in a coma. But I think that we can strangle her as long as we don't use anything worth anything at all. I thought of using the guts of a DKos blogger, but then they're made of absolute water and not worth a damn. So I am at a loss. Suggestions?
Commissar Theocritus
Yes, she can quite bestir herself when there is a dollar around. I found, from experience, that you could prowl the halls of the White House, that is before Laura scrubbed the pentagram from the floor of the Lincoln Bedroom, and as long as you didn't have a single penny in your pocket you were utterly invisible to our MTE.Gather closer, Pup, this is entre nous. If, and I say if, our MTE grows too big for her britches, oh I don't mean bit in a normal sense, that's already happened, but really intolerable, you know, H8 intolerable, then I have a plan to off her. You cannot have a single thing of value on you, and that includes gold fillings, for she can smell that in a coma. But I think that we can strangle her as long as we don't use anything worth anything at all. I thought of using the guts of a DKos blogger, but then they're made of absolute water and not worth a damn. So I am at a loss. Suggestions?
Well, Lenin Forbid should such a thing happen, we will have that going for us, we can be stealthy provided we ensure we have nothing of worth on our person. Of course that may mean we might have to do this sans clothing. But once she achieves the sort of mass we are talking about, ordinary methods of strangling would not be practical as she would be too large for any number of men to wrap around her throat, and at that level I am afraid the very folds of fat might act as a safety barrier. That being the case, one of my first thoughts would be to use either a noxious gas as that produced by any number of our useful idiots, Moore, Shitcan et al. Of course another possible scenario would not be by introducing a noxious gas, which in theory could be of value as an alternative fuel, rather to deny her oxygen. That being said I think it may be possible to achieve that  using Biden or Murtha for instance. When such vacuous people such as they walk in, all oxygen is sucked from the room.
Commissar Theocritus
I like the idea of noxious gasses from Murtha et al ad nauseam. But in the night I had an idea. Why not manufacture some very long knives, weighted in the center, with a blade on each end, and very very sharp? When we throw them at our MTE, they will orbit her ass, turning around her center of gravity and will cut her ass to ribbons.That would be the compassionate thing to do. For this would give the MTE a reason to try and decrease her mass, and should her mass increase, then the knives would eventually be drawn to her gravity well and cause her destruction. However, I do see 2 possible drawbacks.
1. Knives are of monetary value so she would be able to detect them from afar.
2. Should her mass continue to expand, and the knives were to collapse toward the center and destroy her, one of three things could happen, one of which would be extremely dangerous, another potentially dangerous.
 a. If her mass is too dense, MTE would collapse into a true black hole sucking all matter within a certain distance into it. Naturally, this could be very bad should one find themselves too close at the time of collapse.
Â
 b. Depending on the mass, she could just shrink to a neutron star or a "white dwarf" though in her case it would more likely be another color all together. But this would probably be the best case scenario as at least it would likely give off radiation to serve as a warning, and while still a massive source of gravity, less than that of a black hole.
c. Yet another terrible possibility and this could coincide with the above, her mass could collapse to a point where the pressures could cause a supernova spewing her "awesomeness" all over the place. It could get really ugly.
We may be there now. Can you see stars? No? I can't either...
It is the end...falls on knees...Holy Algore, forgive this man of my trespasses even though I never forgive anyone who trespasses against me. Don't do to me what I do to people who look at me funny...
Commissar Theocritus
We may be too late. A black hole eats everything. And everything going into the Event Horizon is spaghettified. But a supermassive black hole has such a large event horizon that things can wander about for a very long time without being spaghettified.We may be there now. Can you see stars? No? I can't either...
It is the end...falls on knees...Holy Algore, forgive this man of my trespasses even though I never forgive anyone who trespasses against me. Don't do to me what I do to people who look at me funny...
On Stalin's Ghost, I fear you may be right! I also feel a bit stretched right now. Is there no hope? No mercy? What a horrible fate!
Commissar Pupovich
On Stalin's Ghost, I fear you may be right! I also feel a bit stretched right now. Is there no hope? No mercy? What a horrible fate!Stretched? Oh dear, Comrade Pup... Â I did not know that you had been checked into our sister facility, The Jane Fonda Center for the Treatment of Anti-Socialist Behavior.
--
Blokhayev
Oh, the humanity!
Commissar Theocritus
Yes, Commissar Pupovich, it would be more appropriate. But bear in mind that service to Our Many Titted Empress takes a discipline that one cannot automatically imply to proles. After all there is a reason that we sit on top. Our cast-iron stomachs.What was I thinking? Of course a prole powered milking machine is more appropriate for a lesser... lesser... er... what can one call a "lesser"version of the MTE? But only the finest of progressive technology will do for the Empress, as it should be.
Commissar Theocritus
Comrades, I suggest that we nationalize Bristol Meyers to ensure an adequate supply of Many Titted Empress Nipple Balm. As Zampolit says, the World As We Know It will end, most surely end, if there is a crack in one of Our Many Titted Empress's many nipples.Oh, the humanity!
Indeed!!! Â Those of us who have been around here for several months or longer, remember what she did the last time one of her nipples developed a crack!!! For me, it brought to mind scenes from The Exorcist"
--
Blokhayev
Green ichor, I hope--when we gain control over the Means of Production of the proles' food supply, we will need something much like Soylent Green but cheaper to produce and our MTE seems to have an inexhaustible supply.
Commissar Theocritus
Zampolit, I shudder at visualizing your statement. Does that mean that her tit turned round and round with a creaking sound or that it threw up green ichor?Green ichor, I hope--when we gain control over the Means of Production of the proles' food supply, we will need something much like Soylent Green but cheaper to produce and our MTE seems to have an inexhaustible supply.
Actually Comrade Dr. Theocritus, it did both. But an injection of collagen extracted from the flesh of 200 young virgin girls cured the affliction.
Soylent Green is a novel way to go! But I have an idea as to what to use as an additional food source for the proletariat. Â How about we also recycle proles that are still living but serve no purpose for The Partyâ„¢? You know... like Krissy Keefer and Mama Moonbat. Â It's sort of like how the Dems and the "hard left" are cannibalizing each other these days.
--
Blokhayev
Zampolit Blokhayev
Actually Comrade Dr. Theocritus, it did both. But an injection of collagen extracted from the flesh of 200 young virgin girls cured the affliction.Er, I don't know how to break this to you Comrade other than just to say there was a small problem with your injection. The records indicate there was, shall we say, some impurities present. Suffice it to say, I have initiated an investigation.
Commissar Pupovich
Er, I don't know how to break this to you Comrade other than just to say there was a small problem with your injection. The records indicate there was, shall we say, some impurities present. Suffice it to say, I have initiated an investigation.Damn it!!!
LUPE!!!!!!!! Â Where did you get that collagen? Â Say what? Â CHINA???
--
Zampolit Blokhayev
Commissar Pupovich
Er, I don't know how to break this to you Comrade other than just to say there was a small problem with your injection. The records indicate there was, shall we say, some impurities present. Suffice it to say, I have initiated an investigation.Damn it!!!
LUPE!!!!!!!! Â Where did you get that collagen? Â Say what? Â CHINA???
I am so sorry to have to have been the one to break this news to you, but I really felt there was no choice. Rest assured, I have arrested all of the perpetrators but one who has continued to elude my security people so far.
--
ZB
Red Square
So that's what it means - "it takes a village to raise a child for the collagen extraction"Not eggsactly.....
It Takes a Collective Farm to Raise A Child©
Red Square
Earth Day: April 22 is known in Russia as Lenin's birthday and is traditionally celebrated by uncompensated shoveling of earth. The event is called the Communist Subbotnik, or the Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day. On a Saturday around that day all workers, peasants, and toiling intelligentsia are supposed to donate to the Worker's State a day of free labor - either at workplace or on communal property - cleaning streets, digging earth in public parks and lawns, etc.WHAT THE HAY? Are you saying that in Mother Russia they perform uncompensated labor for only ONE day? While here, in the Kapitalist States of Amerikkka, we are willing to work, during some years, until early May, to pay our FAIR SHARE OF TAXES? It so happens that today, April 26th, is the so-called "Tax Freedom Day" -http://www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/93.html - so as of today, if you must, you may spend the money the government lets you keep to horde more beets, potatos and rice (if you can find it, in the name of Stalin)
Well, what do you think of that, Red Square? Can't WE, as a nation do better? Can't we ALL just get along and work the WHOLE year for our Homeland®
! We could, in the great honor of socialism, call it Clintonist Stupidnik! What a glorious day it would be when we no longer have to balance our check books, or rely on the dangerous "voluntary compliance" laws when paying taxes and free ourselves of the ability to buy things impusively! I think in a few short months we will have the answer
A_TALL_STOLI
WHAT THE HAY? Are you saying that in Mother Russia they perform uncompensated labor for only ONE day? While here, in the Kapitalist States of Amerikkka, we are willing to work, during some years, until early May, to pay our FAIR SHARE OF TAXES? It so happens that today, April 26th, is the so-called "Tax Freedom Day" -[URL=http://]You seem to be confused Comrade, too much Stoli perhaps? True socialism will not be achieved in this country by taxation, that is but a means to the end. In the glorious Motherland, the workers were liberated from the burden of taxation! To paraphrase my Uncle Koba - "no money, no taxes, no problem." The working class was compensated primarily by the blessings of universal health care, safety and security on the streets, the greatest technology, an education system second to none, no divisive political activity, and finally, peace and harmony in affairs between countries other than of course those states that would dare to take these blessings away from the workers. What little money that the workers were granted was not used as a means of one worker having more than others, rather just a way of tracking the products and services that the workers desired most so the state could plan more efficiently to provide.
We shall achieve this one day soon here, but first it is necessary to use and expand this tax system to ease the transition to a more equitable society.... sort of like easing the
Commissar Pupovich
You seem to be confused Comrade, too much Stoli perhaps? True socialismwill not be achieved in this country by taxation, that is but a means to the end. (SNIP) We shall achieve this one day soon here, but first it is necessary to use and expand this tax system to ease the transition to a more equitable society.... sortof like easing theOh No! Was I at it again? (HIC) A thousand pardons... I admit, sometimes after a long time of using pick axe and chains are finally removed, I need to kill pain with fermented potatoes. (HIC) It helps with state mandated Paxil go down easier before I go to second job as Hillarat vote rigger. But you helped clarify mein point. When Hillarat or Abominac are in orfice, 100% taxation is all the Amerikkkans will understand, you see!?! 100%
They will keep raising taxes until,as you so eloquently put it, like drunken frog in hot water! Or so methink like that. (HIC) We can focus then full time on our VERK! IT WILL BE A VERKERS PARIDISE AGAIN! MEIN FURHER... I CAN VALK! (HIC...HIC... HIC... THUD)
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Dems claim their attacks on Haley, Palin, Ann Romney are not "War on Conservative Women," but rather "Domestic Feminist Contingency Operation"
Biden launches his 2012 campaign to get thrown off ticket by blaming Tea Party for bad economy
Obama to Cory Booker: a mind is a terrible thing to use
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Catholic Bishops order supersize confession booth for James Carney
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Insulted by Romney's accusation of them doing Obama's bidding, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond
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Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
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Trayvor Martin shooting causes fear of backlash among Latinos with old-Jewish-guy names
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Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
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Turning disaster into success, Disney renames failing "John Carter" movie to "John Reagan"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
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People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
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Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
Battle of the Fluke: Dept. of Health and Human Services jumps into the fray by changing emblem from "Eagle of Soaring Prices" to "Woodpecker of Reproductive Justice"
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Limbaugh controversy prompts Atlantic City casinos to preemptively shut down wildly popular Sandra Fluke slot machines
Democrats push for a death tax on aborted fetuses, to be paid for by insurance companies
Third-grader forced to apologize to Sandra Fluke for telling classmate, "Yo mama went to Georgetown Law School"
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Rush Limbaugh apologizes for criticizing Sandra Fluke's reproductive hobbies, sends her complimentary condoms and a video camera
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Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Supportive Americans send Sandra Fluke thousands of contraceptives in hopes she'll never reproduce
Georgetown Law School students set to receive scholarships from Crate'O'Condoms manufacturer Johnson & Johnson
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Rescue team recovers Obama's birth certificate ten miles away from tornado path
Supporting Obama's Pond Scum Initiative, US Rep. Waters changes her name to Maxine "Stagnant" Waters
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Colorado school board: Islamic harassment of choir student not in violation of DOE guidelines on death threats
Obama refutes charges of being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
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Israel invades Iranian air space to drop thousands of Fallout Shelter Manuals in Farsi
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Nation grateful to Madonna for promise to keep clothes on at Super Bowl
Trump endorses self, calls self to congratulate
Pelosi backs merger of Girl Scouts with Planned Parenthood: 'Who's NOT planning to be a parent at 12 these days?'
Groundhog Day news: Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see Obama's shadow
Obama's critics respond to Newsweek cover by publishing 'Defeating Obama for Dummies'
ACLU flooded with questions from donors: 'how and who to pray to in order to have Tim Tebow smitten?'
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination
Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk
EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas
Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants
Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya
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White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
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Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"
Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
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Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'
Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus
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Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones
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Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
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DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
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NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website
Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
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Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
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Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
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Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
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Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists
Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
 |  | |
 |  |
Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patrick’s day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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