Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers of progress from exploring the wide range of tasks their sexual organs can accomplish. Thinking is one of them.

I once started writing a comment on the Offensive Arts thread but it turned out bigger and more serious than I had expected. It kept growing the next day and the day after that. When it was fully grown I trimmed it a bit, brushed off some odd pieces, and sent it to Pajamas Media.

A paragraph that started it all but was not included into the final PJM submission was this:

"Aliza Shvarts' view of the human body as a collection of equal parts that can be randomly rearranged without affecting the outcome reminds me of our "ultimate egalitarian puzzle" The People's Cube that's red on all sides - a mock brainteaser that eliminates competition and guarantees equality of results for all players. The end result of Aliza Shvarts' performance project was also a cube that was red on all sides. I had never expected the People's Cube to have a sexual connotation. This must be some serious progress, comrades."

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - Post-May Day depression is a growing malady that affects many progressives and pro-Communists each year, usually beginning late in the afternoon on May 1 and continuing until the morning of the next May Day. For some, it is a result of too much sign-making and short-range marching with very few people giving a crap. Many left-wing agitators in the United States and other free nations have mild symptoms, but others are subjected to an almost paralyzing agony.

This article shows how dejected collectivists around the world can combat May Day depression by just taking a few simple precautions.

Activist Lawsuit: God Guilty of Malicious Climate Change

Dodging the flak over his description of typical small-town rednecks as those who turn to guns and Bibles if left without government supervision, Obama has once again skillfully turned the tables on his opponents with the same maneuver he used during the Jeremiah Wright "controversy": he returned to Philadelphia and delivered a sweeping speech on the legacy of rednecks in a post-redneck society and the importance of establishing a full government control over the redneck territories - a speech that political strategists agree hearkens back to those of America's founders, and deserves a similar place in history.

Obama, who grew up in the redneck-free paradise of Hawaii, could have easily stepped into a cultural void of corporate middle-class indifference if he hadn't embraced the winning theory of class warfare and challenged the country to do better - to drop the old redneck values of self-reliance, and to accept the State as an absolute, in comparison with which all individuals or groups are relative, only to be considered in their relation to the State.

Now that the idea of social awareness and class struggle has reached American pulpits, it was only a matter of time before progressive historical revisionism left its academic confines and flooded the nation's churches, raising consciousness of the worshiping masses and prompting them to re-evaluate archaic concepts of "faith," "freedom," and "morality." Armed with the winning theory of class struggle, more and more oppressed churchgoers are finding the courage to speak out against violations of human rights in the ancient world, and indeed against the entire litany of "traditional" "conceptions" based on the "Bible" and its "teachings."

In this sense, the conference of religious leaders and scholars from around the world, titled "From Security to Homelessness: Moses and the Renegade Exodus of the Hebrews" was the first major event of its kind, focusing on Moses' fraudulent activities and the resulting major humanitarian disaster called the Exodus.

Long live the glorious comrades at Absolut Vodka who have joined the progressive cause of humiliating Yankee imperialists by creating an ad with the map of the United States that would please the most radical members of Atzlan, La Raza, and Mecha. The ad was part of a new campaign with pictures of various pipe dreams accompanied by the slogan "In an Absolut World," which is translated from Swedish as "when pigs fly," "when the hell freezes over," or "in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday," whichever comes first.

We immediately decided to join the struggle and throw a few of our own ideas into the mix, especially that we already have experience with influencing Absolut in making revolutionary products...

Did I tell you how I organized and piloted a relief mission to bring penicilin, amoxycilin, and 1,000,000 MREs for the starving Children™ of Bosnia? I remember like it was yesterday. The tiny island nation of Bosnia was alone in its war against fascism. America had yet to enter the war, but the Children™ cried for help and something had to be done. Did I mention the Children™? So I also brought 10,000,000 condoms on a tip from Donna Shalala.

When we entered Bosnian airspace the sky was filled with the Serbian Luftwaffe intent on shooting down our humanitarian expedition. Sinbad manned the rear gun turret and Sheryl Crow... mmm... womanned the belly turret. The flak was very heavy in that dark, cold and rainy night. We could see the bright flashes and black oily smoke of the bursting shells. We had never flown a night mission before. It was hell!

Reinforcing his image of an exceptional orator and a formidable debater, Barack Obama used the controversy surrounding his pastor's provocative sermons to deliver a major speech aimed at uniting Americans regardless of racial, religious, or sexual identity, and bringing them all together for the common cause of fighting capitalism, private property, individualism, self-sufficiency, and other harmful prejudices that stand in the way of change and hope for a better and monolithic America.

"I can no more disown Reverend Wright than I can disown class struggle and redistribution of wealth," said charismatic Obama who is believed to stand above the racial divide. His speech was often interrupted by a thunderous applause from the audience of political activists and news reporters, so united in their eagerness that it was impossible to tell one from the other.

Not since the "peace" riots of the 1960s has there been a cause more useful to the Party than Rev. Wright's "God Damn Amerika" movement.

Everyone is acepted under Jeremiah Wright's large tent as long as they accept a few simple dogmas and agree to repeat them five times a day during prayers:

• Being White is immoral. Every White person is guilty of conspiring against the Blacks
• Being rich is immoral. Every rich person is guilty of conspiring against the poor
• America is the infamous product of conspiracy by rich White males to create the source of all evil. Later it turned even more evil under the rule of Zionist puppet masters.
• Jesus was a homeless African-American male who fell victim to a conspiracy of the rich Whites against the poor Blacks that resulted in racial profiling, followed by torture and crucifiction
• The 10 Commandments are optional.

According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, suggestively titled Spitzer's Rise and Fall, the governor liked to play rough. The transcripts from the bugged Washington hotel room, made available to The People's Cube, seem to confirm it.

Heard from inside Room 871 on Valentine's Eve, 2008, shortly after 10pm:

Last month Comrade Red Square gave an interview to Pajamas Media about the heroic struggle of the masses to shake off the reactionary conspiracy of the Dead White Males. We didn't publish it then because this Party organ was busy adapting the current truth to the changing Party line. But that time is over! As one of the most outspoken organs in America, there's a time to speak up, and that time has come!
NOW WITH NEW, EXCITING PICTURES!

Culture = A Massive Sham Perpetrated by Rich Capitalist Oppressors

Laugh all you want at George Lakoff's advice for the Democrats to win by framing the debate and altering the vocabulary. Language is a key battleground in culture wars, and as soon as you step into your opponent's frame of reference and start identifying bad weather as climate change, illiteracy as public education, and freedom as desperate need of care and supervision, you may lose not just the debate but the war, the culture, and your very way of life.

Roger Waters takes 'The Wall' Concerts to 57 Islamic Countries to Protest against Sharia Law and Execution of Homosexuals by having Walls Fall on Them

Having supported every wall-related cause and courageously stared down the free world over hundreds of minor injustices involving walls, co-founder and former lead singer of Pink Floyd Roger Waters has announced that he will take 'The Wall' performances to the Muslim world to protest the practice of crushing homosexuals with walls.

"I've already dragged my Wall concerts around the world to protest against walls, fences, and miscellaneous types of enclosures," explains Waters. "There's no reason I should exclude Muslim countries just because the cause would be real and the album's message would actually apply."

The masses often ask me, "Comrade Gore, why not power our houses by collecting the static electricity created by rubbing woolens and balloons against our hair and skin? Is this not the true People's Power that will end forever the greed and oppression of Big Electricity by giving them a jolt of the Revolution?"

Here's my answer. I came up with it during one of my Leer Jet trips to Asia. The place was crawling with useless, carbon-breathing babies. The babies are the ultimate mindless consumers. They don't contribute anything to society except waste, gas, noise, and general disturbance. They are perpetually moving obstacles that can trip you up and literally impede your progress towards a brighter, enlightened future.

LAS VEGAS--On the eve of the Nevada caucuses, presidential hopefuls of both parties are intensifying efforts to woo local voters with pledges to bail out gamblers who have lost more than 40% of their income, and by offering bold stimulus programs to cap casinos' minimum table bet requirement at $5, and $3 on Megabucks slot machines. Additionally, the candidates propose unionizing "temporary gambling collectives" and setting up subsidized "second chance" training programs to increase the winning potential of flustered heads of households. Proposals also include incentives to struggling Sin City industries, from catering to prostitution and strip clubs, as well as various rescue packages to casinos that were hardest hit by Jumbo Jackpot payouts.

Last night we got an email from Pookie at Free Republic:

Thanks, Pookie!

We like all the cartoons on that page and feel honored to be in such company.

Industrial Nations Threaten Globe Again

A new menace to the planet has been discovered and validated by a consensus of politically reliable scientists: Anthropogenic Continental Drift (ACD) will result in catastrophic damage and untold suffering, unless immediate indemnity payments from the United Sates, Europe, and Australia be made to the governments of non-industrial nations, to counteract this man-made threat to the world's habitats.

Hillary Clinton yesterday unveiled her new campaign theme highlighting her experience as a favorite American folk hero. Delivered in colorful vivid oratory and sweeping grandeur is a vision of her bold campaign message: "My experience as a mythical creature has fully prepared me to deal with the unexpected."

"There I was!" she declared, throwing her arms akimbo like an old war horse at the hunting lodge preparing to tell a tale of life and death on the Saranghetti. "Iranian student radicals to the right of me, Mullahs to the left. Was I frightened? No. I planted my feet firmly in the sand, I looked those savages straight in the eye and I said: you release those hostages, you! You release those uninsured middle-class Americans from our embassy right now before we take office! Don't get me mad, you people don't know who you're dealing with! And the rest is history."