Classics from the Cube
The People Cube's Greatest Hits (in no particular
order)
Flat Fatima
- Revolution In News Photography
 |
Having learned of the growing
trend at Reuters, BBC, and other progressive
media to doctor
photographs, stage
events, and use choreographed
footage in the best Pallywood traditions,
researchers at Karl Marx Treatment center decided
to make it even easier for news organization to re-educate
their audiences and advance the Greater Good™.
- Laminated on 5mm corrugated plastic board
- Water resistant, durable for short term outdoor
use
- Great for quick mounting in the ground
- No Photoshop required!
- Fits most popular models of travel bags
MORE >> |
Fun With
Quotes: Interactive Collective Quiz
Warning: some questions are more equal than others, and some answers will
make you want to slap yourself upside the head with a shovel.
TAKE
THE QUIZ >>
Historians:
Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Was Overreaction
 |
Europe 's view of the
present Israeli offensive against Hezbollah as an "overreaction" and "disproportionate
use of force" is rooted in relatively recent history,
say progressive researchers. In 1943, Europe
itself suffered from a similar Jewish overreaction
to some controversial German policies, in an event
known as the Warsaw
Ghetto Uprising, when Zionist radicals attacked
the National
Socialist German Workers Party that was loved by
the German people for its far-reaching educational
and social welfare services. In fact, many academics
who teach Peace Studies at prestigious universities
believe that it was the Zionists' "disproportionate
use of force" that had ruined hopes for peace in Europe
and caused a humanitarian crisis that could have easily
be avoided if only Jews had shown restraint and tolerance
towards the democratically elected German government.
MORE >> |
The Socialist
Brain of a Liberal Democrat
|
As promised in the
previous post, Republicanism
Linked To Disorder, we have prepared a
composite sketch of a healthy Socialist .
Naturally it took twice as much time to
map it because the of a progressive, open-minded
Democrat is always changing - as opposed
to the rigid and bigoted Republican .
Click on the map to
see larger image! |
Republicanism
Caused By Disorder, Mutation
This composite sketch is final, undeniable
proof that Republicanism is a direct result
of a degenerative mutation.
|
Scientists have
finally identified a fatal disorder responsible
for the behavior of Republicans, Conservatives,
and other capitalist class enemies.
After the Washington
Post reported on a revolutionary study, in
which progressive researchers scanned Republican
s for signs of deformation, we contacted
the institute that conducted the study,
the Karl Marx Treatment Center. The Center
provided us with blood-chilling CAT images
that show what happen s to a that is allowed
to grow without the caring guidance of
the progressive establishment.
MORE >> |
"Offended
Muslim Syndrome" Symptoms & Self-Help Groups
 |
Following the misery inflicted on Islam
by a toy bear that ended up with calls for the execution
of an English woman, more Muslims are stepping forward
with stories of long-suppressed emotional trauma imposed
on them by so-called reality. This has led to the creation
of support groups and social networks that help followers
of the Prophet Mohammed cope with the agony of learning
about life outside of their immediate environment, offering
assistance with technical resources, practical guidance,
and strategies for early intervention and punishment of
those who offend Islam.
MORE >> |
Anthropogenic
Continental Drift: An Incoherent Truth
 |
Industrial Nations Threaten Globe Again
A new menace to the planet has been discovered and validated
by a consensus of politically reliable scientists: Anthropogenic
Continental Drift (ACD) will result in catastrophic damage
and untold suffering, unless immediate indemnity payments
from the United Sates, Europe, and Australia be made
to the governments of non-industrial nations, to counteract
this man-made threat to the world's habitats.
MORE >>
|
Israel Dismantles;
World's Problems End
Sharon: "It's not every day when
the French, the Germans, Muslims, Communists, Nazis, Arabs,
Socialists, and the United Nations agree on things, so when
they do,
it's obvious that they must be correct." |
Persistent rhetoric coming from concerned
progressive critics worldwide has finally convinced Israeli officials
that the state of Israel has no moral right to exist. "That's
it," Prime Minister Ariel Sharon explained at a press conference. "We
are dismantling the Nation of Israel. I'm leaving for Poland
next week."
"My cabinet and I had long discussions about world troubles,
and we concluded that our critics are right - all the troubles
can be traced back to us. So, in order to resolve these issues,
we felt it would be best to extend our withdrawal beyond Gaza
to include the West Bank and Israel proper," Sharon said. "The
Gaza pullout was only a test, and the ensuing waves of peace
and brotherhood it had triggered in Palestine and beyond, encouraged
us to disband altogether. Without us here, people of the world
will finally be able, once again, to live in permanent harmony
and understanding - just like they all did before Israel's
founding nearly sixty years ago."
MORE >> |
Jihadists Against
Bag Searches
|
A new civil rights group is fighting a shameful practice: bag
searches in the New York City subways that are infringing on
the rights of suicide bombers to kill and maim hundreds of New
Yorkers. The group that calls itself Jihadists Against Bag Searches distributed
flyers today to straphangers (image, left), warning them of the
erosion of civil liberties in America.
Dressed in oversized trench coats and carrying heavy backpacks,
the group members asked the New Yorkers a simple yet disarming
question: "Is this the country you really want to live in, if
it profiles a minorit that has blown up cars, buildings, buses,
trains, and airplanes in the past?"
"They're right," a concerned young lawyer told our correspondent." With
so many people entering the subway, how can we be sure that the
searches are absolutely random? There's a big chance it's all
a cover-up for profiling minorities. If the police succeeds in
preventing them from blowing me up on the train, it will be the
end of my civil liberties...
MORE >> |
Amends for Hiroshima:
Congress To Bomb Two U.S. Cities
 |
In a belated expression of remorse for the
nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki sixty years ago, Congress
has authorized the Army to launch apologetic nuclear strikes
on two American cities. The selection of cities is not final,
but they will most likely be Dallas and Houston in a nod to the
Democratic desire to attack cities in a "red" state.
MORE >> |
BurqaBarn: Dress
Your Woman in Style!
|
By Tamil Mohammar Ramadan
Hello my friends! How many times have you caught one
of your women bandying about without its burqa? How many
times has an insolent female flashed her ankle by "accident"?
Has this caused you humiliation and pain requiring whipping?
Have you been forced, through no fault of your own, to
resort to honor killing? Isn't it time you stopped wasting
perfectly good woman flesh and invested in a foolproof
coverage system for your females?
Now, BurqaBarn, in conjunction with Citywide Waste
Management, has a solution for you!
MORE >> |
ACLU Lawyers Volunteer
to Get Their Heads Sawed Off
When the Taliban complain about broken AC in their
cells, what else can we do but allow them to saw our
heads off? |
Getting one's head sawed off might seem
like reason for concern, but in fact, ACLU lawyers turning themselves
over to their Guantanamo clients for this purpose have gone a long
way in addressing Taliban dissatisfaction with the camp's amenities
like poor wi-fi reception.
In an unprecedented display of compassion, volunteers from
the ACLU and Amnesty International are lining up to get their
heads sawed off by disgruntled Taliban prisoners. This new spirit
of international caring has its genesis in the Human
Shields tradition...
MORE >> |
New Spirit of
Municipal Randomness
New York firefighters randomly douse one house per neighborhood
per week.
|
Inspired by the success of random bag checks among
people entering the New York City subway system, the City has
decided to expand the idea of randomness to its other functions.
Police Commissioner Kelly, the architect of random policing,
spoke of why randomness works so well: "The idea is that no one
is any better or any worse than anyone else; if we're all suspects,
then no one is a suspect, and no one will feel hurt. As we know,
the main function of a police force is to make everyone feel
good about themselves."
MORE >> |
 |
Most people know that Americans benefit from
- high taxes
- powerful unions
- limited consumer choice
- strong government control
But most people lack the training to fully understand why we
derive benefits from these policies, and why government
control over public anything results in unsurpassable
quality (transportation, education, health, etc.). |
To remedy your "knowledge deficit" you can ask us any question you
choose, and it will be explained by the legendary Professor Paul
Kurgman in a language that you can understand.
From the evils of profiteering, corporatism, and economic exploitation
to the rewards of regulation, social justice, and community/stakeholder
involvement, Professor Kurgman will use his agile mind to clarify the
otherwise intimidating field of economics.
MORE >>
We at the People's Cube have developed a technology that emulates
the thinking of the NYT writers. With just one mouse-click, without
paying a dime at the newsstand, you can now generate an instant
NYT headline that will brighten your day and ruin it for the capitalist
pigs. Just look at this list of Top 10 NYT Headlines we have generated
with this technology:
Click here to generate
your own progressive NYT headline >>
MORE >> |
America Takes Off
Gloves, Puts on Brass Knuckles
 |
The United States has often been
called, directly or indirectly, the most brutal, repressive,
and rapacious empire ever to place its yoke on the shoulders
of humanity. But today, in an alarming policy shift that has
the world recoiling in horror, the Bush administration, fed up
with its critics, announced that the United States will immediately
begin to live up to its unflattering, media-driven image.
MORE >> |
Newspaper Runs
Out Of Anti-Bush Headlines
 It
was only a matter of time before the mainstream media ran out of catchy
anti-Bush headlines. Starting with the 2000 elections the US editors
appeared to be engaged in a prestigious contest: who would cast the
President in the worst possible light. The opportunities seemed unlimited.
The headline-writers spent countless nights awash in the pale glow
of their monitors, coming up with one brilliant hook after another.
But four years of consistent Bush-bashing have eventually exhausted
everyone's vocabulary and imagination. So when George W. Bush was reelected
in November of 2004, several pundits sensed that a crisis of creativity
would soon plague the media. By the end of the second quarter of this
year, the national media hit rock bottom.
"There are only so many words one can string
together while remaining impartial and objective - even if it's such
fertile topic as our dumb and evil dictator President who is bent
on bombing caribou herds into the Stone Age in Alaska...
MORE >>
The
Alternative Secret History of the World
|
On the Fourth of July Americans will
be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world
progress has ever endured in all of human history.
The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving
over the dark day when the United States of America
was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy
we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what
it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in
the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a
living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No
one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited
because the oppressive and unfair American system
had not yet been created.
MORE >> |
The picture above, taken off the government website EarthDay.gov,
documents the punishment that a coalition of progressive activists
imposed on the neo-imperialistic criminal George Bush as part
of International Earth Day celebration April 22nd.
MORE >>
In related Earth Day news:
Lenin
Is Risen, Talks to Press
 |
Following up on our earlier
interview with Al Gore, a TPC correspondent went
to Moscow and met with the reanimated Leader of Workers
and Peasants, Vladimir Lenin.
Looking younger than his age, the Leader was
busy organizing the masses for the observance
of Earth Day. He still found time to sit with
me at a nearby bar with the view of Red Square
and the Mausoleum. His supporters remained outside,
waving Lenin posters and staring at us through
the freshly cleaned window.
MORE >> |
US Military
To Use Democrat Attack Strategies In Iraq
|
BAGHDAD - The recent gains by US military
in Iraq appear to be the result of a new approach that
copies attack strategies used by the Democrats against
Republicans in Washington. "Relentless, unprovoked,
ungrounded, and indiscriminate attacks for the sake
of attacking - whoever, whatever, whenever - have sent
the enemy cowering into the deepest holes, immobilized
with panic and despair. Impressed by such a resounding
success, the Pentagon is now trying to adapt the same
strategy to fight insurgency in Iraq," U.S. Lt. Gen.
David Petraeus said Friday.
MORE >> |
Pascal's
Global Warming Wager: Amen and Hallelujah!
|
It is a scientific
fact that Global Warming provides the means for
the ignorant to declare with absolute certainty
that they know the unknowable --
Laika The Space Dog
Since man-made
Global Warming is becoming increasingly unknowable and
avoids being accurately
measured, progressive scientists are working
hard on new arguments to convince the masses in
the necessity to believe in it. In lieu of objective
criteria it boils down to a simple matter of faith: Global
Warming is, or It is not. But to which side
shall the progressive masses incline? In a stunning
breakthrough, researchers at Karl Marx Treatment
Center have developed a revolutionary concept of
the People's Cube Global Warming Wager which
proves that believing in Global Warming is more
advantageous than not believing. It's similar
to the Pascal's
Wager argument, only it's more progressive.
MORE >> |
Global
Warming Vodka: Cheap Alternative Solution
|
Speaking about free Cadillac-quality
medical services from cradle to grave, this baby runs
best on ethanol as proven by our Soviet comrades whose
extensive research into cheap alcohol-based solutions
is well-known. It also shortens the distance between
cradle and grave, which saves the government a lot
resources. With this in mind we invented a new alternative
product that is now quickly replacing Kool-Aid® as
preferred mind-altering substance of progressive elites:
Corn ethanol based
GLOBAL WARMING VODKA!
MORE >> |
Rush
Limbaugh Discovers Tomb of Rugged Individual
|
On the heels of James Cameron's discovery of
a tomb with the remains of Jesus came an announcement
by talk radio host Rush Limbaugh that he had discovered
a coffin with the remains of another historical character
that many social scientists consider a mythical creature
- the Rugged Individual. But while Mr. Cameron's findings
strike at the heart of the basic tenets of Christianity,
Mr. Limbaugh's discovery is meant to strike at the
very heart of progressive faith that denies the existence
of a self-sufficient Individual who can survive without
the government handouts, regulations, and oversight.
MORE >> |
Borat And
Iranian President A TV Spoof?
|
It was only a matter of time before the so-called "Iranian
President" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would be unmasked
as the biggest hoax in the history of television,
perpetrated by Brooklyn comic Misha Braslavsky, a
cable TV buffoon exploiting Western stereotypes of "evil
Islamic radicalism."
Looking back, we can only laugh at our unblinking
acceptance of Ahmadinejad, an "Islamist hard-liner" dressed
like a Turkish used car salesman, who called to wipe
Israel off the map or move it to Alaska, demanded a
manual recount of Holocaust victims, and banned all
Western music. His retractions were even more bizarre: "CNN
make lie! I send squeegees to help Israel, not 'Wipe
off Israel!' Who translated, I kill him!"
MORE >> |
Al Gore's
Oscar/Nobel Acceptance Speech (Draft)
|
The People's Cube has obtained a draft
of Al Gore's Oscar
acceptance speech to be read in full, uninterrupted
by music, at Hollywood's Kodak Theater on Feb. 25.
The same speech, with minor adjustments for local weather,
will also be delivered in Oslo City Hall on Dec. 10,
where Al Gore is hoping to receive a Nobel
Peace Prize for his efforts in putting Global Warming
on the front burner of class struggle. Below is the
full text of Al Gore's speech:
MORE >> |
One Man's
Reuters Is Another Man's Al-Jazeera
|
Who hasn't heard
that "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom
fighter" - a relatively moral axiom employed by
Reuters and other progressive news agencies? Very
few, however, realize that it was modeled on an
earlier idiom - "one man's trash is another man's
treasure" - which, being a legitimate pearl of
people's wisdom, lends some of its gloss to Reuters'
counterfeit product. We like to call it "truth
by association": if it sounds like what we believe
is true, it probably is true. The propaganda value
of this logical device cannot be overstated - but
it must be handled with caution, lest someone writes: "one
man's Reuters is another man's Party organ" or "one
man's head is another man's hole in the ground." That's
why, as a public service, we are offering an exercise
designed to teach the masses to generate quality "truths" in
bulk and on the fly, without thinking. One man's
truth is another man's invention, everything is
a matter of opinion, and one man's opinion is another
man's truth.
PLAY
THE GAME >> |
Hillary's
Presidential Message (Reading Btwn The Lines)
|
Highlights:
- Every American deserves a free rationing coupon
- One sack of beets and potatoes a month for the middle
class
- It's not your money, it's the government's
- The Constitution just doesn't cut it anymore
- Put an end to Bush's economic boom
- We need Central Planning and one-party rule
- You will love my five year plans
- Terrorists? Let's chat
WATCH
VIDEO >> |
Colleges
to Allow Terrorist Recruiters on Campus
|
Since the initially successful effort by
academia to ban
US military recruiters on campuses has had frustratingly
little effect on the overall recruitment numbers, the
non-partisan organization "Professors Against Unfair
Recruiting Practices" (PAURP) is pushing for a change
in strategy to undermine the US military in wartime.
The so-called "Academia's New Iraq Strategy," designed
to boost morale and guide activist
professors out of an apparent quagmire, calls for
a surge in numbers of "terrorist" recruiters on campus,
as well as extending invitations to representatives
of the Cuban, North Korean, and Venezuelan militaries.
MORE >> |
Democrats
Push For New Iraq Strategy: Care Bears™
|
Capitalizing
on the enormous success achieved by Democrats
with the display of children at the inauguration
ceremony, the new leaders are proposing
to take this strategy even further and
manage the situation in Iraq with the help
of Care
Bears™.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 6 - Senate Majority
Leader Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent
a letter to President Bush urging
him to reject any plan that could potentially
result in a military victory in Iraq.
The leaders warned that a surge in troop
levels might further antagonize al-Qaeda's
already-overtaxed fighters, and cited
the dangers of U.S. victory to the future
of the Democratic Party, liberal media,
and world's progress towards socialism.
MORE >> |
Wedding
Bells & Whistles (Literally Wedding Them)
|
Under pressure from
New Jersey's highest court to offer marriage or its
equivalent to multi-sexual-oriented couples, groups,
and associations, the state Legislature voted last
week to make New
Jersey the third state to allow civil unions. "This
is a huge step towards progress," says M.S. Punchenko,
who has been waiting more than four years to enter
into an official legal relationship with a toaster
named Helen<3, his long-time life partner and a
registered Democrat. "If I could get my toaster registered
to vote for Robert Menendez in midterm elections, she
might as well be entitled to my health insurance, inheritance,
and adoption rights," Punchenko says.
MORE >> |
Latino
Groups Praise Taco Bell For E. Coli
|
Activists of several Latino advocacy
groups hailed the recent E. coli outbreaks at Taco
Bell restaurants as "the biggest success yet in reclaiming
Aztlán culture on the territories occupied by
the American invaders." Groups as La
Raza, MEChA, Organization for the Liberation of Aztlán, and
other advocates for the restoration of a legendary
Chicano country called Aztlán, are celebrating
victory. "Mexican people across North America can finally
get fast food just like back home," said Margarita
Cagada, executive director of the New Jersey state
chapter of La Raza. "On behalf of all Hispanics everywhere,
La Raza praises Taco Bell for its loyalty to diversity
and the promotion of Chicanismo within the community."
MORE >> |
Muslim-Friendly
TV Line-up & Permissible Music
|
Once the Democrats take charge in January,
bring the troops home, and appoint Jimmy Carter to
keep America safe, we must be prepared to submit to
Sharia Law pretty quick. It will not be voluntary -
but it can be made smooth and painless with the use
of re-educational TV programming. The American masses
won't even notice the transition, just like they didn't
notice the transition to socialist values in the past,
due to the masterful work of mind-conditioning experts
at all progressive media channels. To that end we recommend
this Sharia-friendly Winter TV Line-up:
MORE >> |
The New
Progressive Bible
|
- The Organic Garden of Eden
- Pharaoh Has Two Mummies
- What Happens in Sodom and Gomorrah Stays in Sodom
and Gomorrah
- Noah Builds Ark to Survive Global Warming
- Jonah Saves the Whale
- David Appeases Goliath
- The Bilingual Writing on the Wall
- The Tower of Babel & The Controlled Demolition
Theory
- Uncle Samson & The NY Times Reporter Delilah
- Judas The ACLU Lawyer
- Joseph & Mary Celebrate Holiday Season By Donating
Fetus To Federal Embryonic Stem Cell Bank
- Government Program Feeds The Multitudes with Five "Whole
Grain" Loaves And Two Non-Endangered Fishes
MORE >> |
Thanksgiving
With A Space Alien
|
Last Thursday a flying saucer landed
in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented
alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what
he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all.
His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking
for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically
inclined nation that could benefit from a contact
with his more advanced civilization.
"Whoa, whoa!" I raised my finger. "To call yourself
advanced you must take at least three diversity training
classes. What planet are you from, really?"
MORE >> |
Free Bryan
Hathaway!
SIGN THE PETITION!
|
Let's face it - a
caring and loving relationship with a consenting
dead animal on the side of the road is a constitutional
right of every American regardless of ethnic, religious,
or economic background.
Bryan James Hathaway is a young minority activist
from Wisconsin who has been on the forefront of progressive
struggle for the liberation of inanimate objects,
plants, animals, and household appliances. His selfless
devotion to fighting speciism and necrophobia in
our society has led him to be brutally persecuted,
tortured, and incarcerated - all for a laughable "crime" of "sexual
gratification with a dead deer on the side of the
road." As if his prior conviction of "horsing
around" had not been enough, the bigoted ruling class
is once again making him the whipping boy of their
own suppressed anxieties, fantasies, and desires.
MORE >> |
Michael
Moore's Pledge - Revised and Improved
 Having
read Michael
Moore's pledge to disheartened Conservatives, we
felt that its seemingly unthreatening tone might anger
our radical base. They didn't endure all the fighting
and the sacrifice so that they could watch a millionaire
barrel of lard doing curtsies to the class enemy. The
People have spoken out - and they want blood! They
have spoken out for purges, show trials, long prison
sentences, and mass deportations. They want shakedown,
expropriation, and redistribution.
Our radicals are radical not because they feed on
subtleties! They take things at face value. If you
say "war for oil" they see US troops breaking into
the homes of poor Iraqis, grabbing barrels of oil
from their shaky hands, and selling them at $54 a
piece to sleazy Halliburton executives waiting outside.
Our radicals judge the contents by looking at the
surface - and asking their Inner Comrades how good
it makes them feel about themselves. It is both their
strength and their weakness, which the Party has
learned to exploit for the Greater Good™.
Therefore,
we hereby announce
People's Contest
for the translation of Michael Moore's Pledge
into a language that the radical masses can understand |
Purported
Democrat Tape Vows To Continue Jihad
 |
WASHINGTON, DC (TPC)
-- A purported
audio recording by a Democrat chieftain vows to
step up the group's fight against the GOP, saying, "We
haven't had enough of your blood yet." The 20-minute
recording was posted Friday on a Web site used by Democratic
activists and the speaker is identified as Nancy Pelosi,
who takes over leadership of the US Congress after
Dennis Hastert resigns in January. Calling President
Bush a "lame duck" the speaker tells Bush not to "run
away as your lame defense secretary ran away," referring
to Donald Rumsfeld, who resigned Wednesday.
MORE >> |
BBC Adopts
Sharia Policies, Stones Gay Staff
 |
The BBC has recently come
out of the closet, admitting that its executives,
reporters, analysts, directors, and even cleaning
ladies, who are mostly young, urban, trendy, Left-leaning
homosexuals, have been found guilty of mistreating
the station's Muslim minority by virtue of being
insensitive to their anti-gay
cultural sentiments. A leaked transcript of a
secret 'accountability summit' called by BBC chairman
reveals that the BBC, while promoting sexual and
ethnic diversity,
has neglected to fully comply with the new multicultural
order. These new standards prohibit anything that
may be viewed as offensive to Muslims or the Koran,
including engaging in homosexual acts.
MORE >> |
Apple
Mecca: Open Letter to Radical Muslim Politburo
|
Dear radical Muslim
comrades! While you are the best allies the Left could
ever have in the great patriotic war against American
Capitalism, there are limits in every relationship,
even the most intimate one like ours. Thus, your latest allegation that
the Apple Mecca Store in New York amounts to a deliberate
insult to Islam (because it resembles your
big black Ka'bah cube in Mecca) is not just inane,
it's an unprovoked stab in the back. This isn't how
good allies treat one another. Yes, our cube-shaped
Apple store resembles Ka'bah - so what? It's not like
your real Mecca. To be more like the real Mecca it
must have regular
stampedes crushing thousands of geeks to death
every year, aggravated by outbreaks of dysentery among
huge crowds of Apple users crammed together in anti-sanitary
conditions.
MORE >> |
Polish
Comrades Modify The People's Cube To Their Needs
|
Our site has received an angry letter
from Poland complaining about the unnecessary complexity
of the People's
Cube puzzle. "Despite your claim that this 'ultimate
egalitarian tool' guarantees equal outcome for all
players, after two weeks of strenuous efforts we gave
up resolving the puzzle," the letter states, concluding
that "something must be fundamentally wrong with the
puzzle itself." The letter, signed by Slawomir Sierakowski,
editor-in-chief of the Polish "Krytyka
Polityczna", organ of the progressive wing of the
Communist Party of Poland, indignantly criticizes us
for misleading the masses into a "sinister bourgeois
trap" of believing in a "competition with a human face."
MORE >> |
Byzantine
Emperor Apologizes to Muslims For Quote
|
In the view of some
historians, the Pope's recent apology to enraged Muslims
over use
of a quote written by Manuel
II Palaeologus in 1391 bears a striking similarity
with a similar apology delivered more than 600 years
ago by Manuel II Palaeologus himself to offended Muslim
armies after they ransacked his Christian country,
converted its citizens to Islam, and beheaded or enslaved
those who resisted the forced conversions. In a public
speech made shortly after the quote first appeared
in Muslim press, Manuel II apologized to the Islamic
community that besieged his controversial "Byzantine
entity."
MORE
(and don't miss our 3 min video at the bottom) >> |
Prominent
Muslims: Why Do They Hate Us?
by Dr.
Salima al-Kurgman
Muslims protesters: "Is it because we didn't support
Ned Lamont? Is it because our lousy plastic recycling
program?"
|
Ever since the confrontation
between the West and Islam began, the question "Why
do they hate us?" has been topping the Frequently
Asked Questions charts among Western leaders and
intellectuals, tormenting minds and souls of the Western
populace prone to introspection. Considering the magnitude
of the problem, we have assumed that the same question
similarly torments the minds of prominent Muslims in
the lands of Islam. And indeed, our special Bridge-Building
survey has determined that from Saudi Arabia to Iran
to Afghanistan, in the halls of the prestigious Islamic
universities and government palaces, prominent Muslims
are asking the same questions: "Why us? Why the terror
alert system? Why security checks at airports?"
MORE >> |
NEW SECTION: FAQ
(Frequently Asked Questions)
 |
While it is true that different sets
of FAQ exist for various practical purposes, a study
conducted at the non-partisan Karl Marx Treatment Center
has shown that if you combine all the FAQs that exist
in the world in different languages, put them into
a gigantic computer database financed by non-political
charities sponsored by George Soros, and rearrange
the questions in the order of priority, the list of
world's most important FAQ must look exactly as follows. (It
is recommended that action be taken at all public and
private institutions to adjust the lists accordingly.
Compliance shall be monitored by independent legal
observers from the ranks of the
ACLU and the
National Lawyers Guild.)
MORE >> |
McCartney
Apologizes For 9/11 Song "Freedom"
Songwriter in 'ongoing self-criticism' after apprehension
on suspicion of pro-Americanism
|
New York -- Giving
in to public pressure, singer and composer Paul McCartney
issued a statement on Monday, apologizing to the progressive
artistic community for his "pro-American lyrics
and compulsive right-wing behavior" in the days immediately
following the 9/11 attacks in New York City, when he
organized Concert For New York and performed
the "ill-conceived" patriotic song called Freedom. "I
don't know what came over me," says McCartney, 64,
who was widely criticized by peace activists as a "pro-war
Beatle" for writing and singing a jingoistic tune containing
such lines as "I will fight for the right to live in
freedom. " In his statement, McCartney acknowledges
that he had been experiencing "right-wing sentiments" for
several weeks following 9/11. "Please know from my
heart that I am not a patriot. I am not a even an American," he
said.
MORE >> |
Khatami
In Harvard: Mullahs and Liberals Not That Different!
|
While former Iranian
President Mohammad Khatami's visit to the land of The
Great Satan is welcomed by all progressive
sleeper cells inside this country, his message
of tolerance and moderation has
become an object of vicious attacks from such hate
groups as the Episcopal
Church, the Jewish
Community Relations Council, and Massachusetts
Governor Mitt Romney's office. The controversy
is largely fueled by Mullah Khatami's planned visits
to Harvard, Georgetown University, Columbia University,
and the University of Virginia for a round of introspective
talks and consultations aimed at helping the progressive
academic community better to understand their role
in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism. The former Iranian
leader is also expected to share his rich
experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform
intellectual climate of diversity for the Greater Good™.
MORE >> |
The New
York Times: Pluto Crisis Edition...
|
- Lack of federal funding leads to downsizing of
Solar System
- Small planets helpless against competition
- Growing disparity among planets raises moral questions
- Pluto & Me: Michael Moore stands with the little
guy
- Most "dwarfs" will not survive harsh winter
- Republicans deny aid to Pluto amidst growing concerns
for the future of trans-Neptunian objects
- Poll: Most Americans think that black holes are
discriminated against
MORE >> |
Hezbo-Laa-Laa:
Cute Little Terrortubby
 |
In an effort to finalize the portrayal
of Hezbollah as a benevolent band of misunderstood
peasant warriors, and to foster acceptance of other
cultures, the BBC retooled its cutest Teletubby character
named Laa-laa into Hezbo-Laa-Laa. Sporting a characteristic
martyr bandana with the motto "From cradle to grave" written
in Arabic, and a suicide belt filled nails and rat
poison, this cute and cuddly Terrortubby is intended
to show European and American kids that beyond its
desire to exterminate the Jew, Hezbollah is, in fact,
a caring playmate that will tend to your social needs
through a strong presence in the big, generous government!
MORE >> |
Conflict
in The Middle East: A Progressive History
 |
From the beginning of time, there was
a place called "Palestine" which was inhabited exclusively
by the biggest gift to humankind: Palestinians. Their
culture flourished, their peaceful people prospered,
and their model nation was to become the jewel of the
world. Their language was Arabic, their religion was
Muslim (pronounced "MOOZ-lem"), but regrettably, all
evidence of their governments, their currency, their
laws, their scientific, technological, philosophical,
and artistic accomplishments were destroyed. By whom?
Keep reading.
MORE >> |
NY Times
Reporter Body Armor Vulnerability Analysis
|
Earlier this year the New
York Times courageously
exposed vulnerabilities of US body armor, accompanying
the story with a controversial diagram and a leaked
Pentagon paper in a PDF
file, identifying the best areas to shoot at. Today
the Pentagon responded by releasing a diagram that
details vulnerabilities of the New York Times journalists,
which analysts predict is about to become the focus
of a new media fury.
"The Pentagon released the results of their secret
research despite our strongest objections," said
Bill Keller, the executive editor of The Times, in
an urgent statement. "It can seriously damage our
ability to gather and publish information that is
harmful to the United States."
MORE >> |
|
The
New York Times Shows Bush Who's The Boss
The Bush administration and The New York Times are
again at
odds over national security, this time with new
exposures of the administration's immoral attempts
to protect imperialist America from heroic Islamic
freedom fighters.
In today's
issue the fearless NYT showed the world how the
militaristic US government was co-opting major capitalist
financial institutions to track global financial
transfers.
The message this sends is clear - give up, George
Bush! Protecting America is a useless task when you
face the glorious destructive force of progressive
media! America must be destroyed! It is a historical
inevitability whose time has come!
MORE >> |
New Dem
Strategy: Everybody Must Cut And Run
Murtha: To cut and run is every American's right and
patriotic duty
|
Encouraged by the media success
of their "Bring the troops home before the job is done" campaign,
Democrat leadership decided to expand this strategy
to other groups of society. The new "Cut and Run For
America" campaign to send everybody home before the
job is done will first be tested on government employees
- teachers, doctors, police, firefighters - and later
cover the rest of the population. "Americans need to
stop trying," explained the new compassionate strategy
Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV). "We deeply believe that most
people in this country would like to stay low, stop
thinking, stop fending for themselves, and just live
off government handouts."
MORE >> |
Homeless
Depot: A Moral Alternative
|
Home Depot, the nation's
largest home-improvement chain, was accused in a Federal
lawsuit today of discriminating against the homeless. "The
very existence of Home Depot is offensive to the sensitivities
of people without homes," says Nadine Strossen, head
of the ACLU who filed the case, adding that the word "home" itself
smacks of racism, bigotry, and intolerance and thus
should be treated as hate speech. The suit seeks unspecified
damages on behalf of seven homeless people, some of
them of color, squatting in an abandoned building next
to the Home Depot parking lot in the Coney Island area
of New York.
MORE >> |
Al Zarqawi:
Advancing Progress No More
|
Another leader of social
progress has been murdered by
American war criminals today. The Left lost a prominent
comrade who helped us fight US imperialism at home
and abroad. Every glorious beheading and school bus
explosion he committed was cherished by human rights
activists as another proof of the cynical nature of
the Bush administration.
RECOMMENDED HEADLINES
FOR PROGRESSIVE MASS MEDIA:
- Why right-wing extremists cheer Zarqawi's death
- Should we love Al Zarqawi? Many think so
- Zarqawi killed, but more impotantly - what have
US marines done wrong lately?
- Zarqawi Studies Center and Museum to open in University
of Colorado at Boulder
- FCC bans "dancing Zarqawi" iPod commercial
- Cameron Diaz gets a cool Zarqawi tattoo
MORE >> |
Lenin
Awards N.J. Mayor With Eminent Domain Medal
Lenin endorses a communist
haven in New Jersey |
Eminent domain expropriations
are sweeping the American motherland like a red tide
of Socialism raised by the increasing gravitational
pool of Marxist thought. The Mayor of Piscataway, New
Jersey, has recently seized the last remaining farm
in the area in order to turn it into an empty space
- the epitome of Socialist improvement, a.k.a. the Greater
Good™. Upon hearing that the kulaks and
other greedy bourgeois property owners of New Jersey
are being liquidated as a class, Lenin resurrected
from his Mausoleum - again - to help the revolutionary
US peasants confiscate capitalist property and redistribute the
bourgeois wealth. Step one: find the heroic Democrat
Mayor of Piscataway and present him with People's Award
for Expropriation and Confiscation.
MORE >> |
People's
Karaoke: Star-Spangled Bandido
Yet another version by Professor Palimpsest
|
Olé! We will sneak,
'Cross the border tonight.
There's no wall to be scaled,
And your laws aren't worth heeding.
We will need no green cards,
Nor a license to drive.
All hail Vicente Fox!
We're here and not leaving.
Your family needs an au pair!
And some help with lawn care!
So why put up a fight,
When good help is so rare?
Celebrate as our tri-colored banner is raised
Over our new colonies
In the land of the dazed!
CLICK
HERE TO SING ALONG! >> |
Who Are
They?
|
They trekked thousands of miles in searing
heat...
They crossed the border risking life and limb...
They get paid peanuts...
They do jobs others refuse to do...
Some people back in their own country treat them with
little respect...
They live crammed together in substandard conditions...
They rarely see their families...
They have to learn a foreign language and culture...
They recognize only one flag...
WHO ARE THEY?
CLICK
HERE TO FIND OUT >> |
Jorge
Washíntonez Crosses The Rio Grande
 |
The flag-waving U.S. traditionalists
suffered yet another setback in the so-called "culture
wars" last week, when a group of recording artists
announced that they had produced a new Spanish-language
version of "Star-Spangled Banner." Loosely based on
the original's lyrics and much more progressive in
message, the revised national anthem is part of a larger
wave of similar "reinventions" that is breaking across
the fruited plain, washing away the wilted "cultural
crops" of the bourgeoisie, and sowing something new
and vibrant in their place.
MORE >> |
Kids-4-Gas:
Trade Your Nagging Brat For A Full Tank
Abu Salim, Exxon station manager: "Moms have no problem
dumping off one of their kids in return for a month of
fill ups." |
LOS ANGELES -- Since local
gas stations began accepting children as payment for
a month's worth of gas last Saturday, thousands of
enthusiastic moms have already dumped off their annoying
kids at the pump and took off to the mall with tanks
full of gas. The new Kids-4-Gas program, successfully
introduced by LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, is meant
to ease the burden on poor families while simultaneously
fix most logistical problems related to overpopulation.
"With gas prices higher than Beverley Hills heroin
addicts, it is our duty as Democrats and good citizens,
to help the poor get by another day without having
to work harder," says Los Angeles Mayor. "Anything
is better than drilling for more oil in Alaska."
MORE >> |
Skools:
Insider's View of the Revolution
Real pictures taken by a real student at Marilla Carillo
High Schoo |
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a T-shirt
